Something Old, Something New

Yo dawgs.

When I think of relationships, I think of a lot of things. Sometimes it seems like I'm completely jealous of those in one - they have this connection with another person like no other, they're happy. Other times, I feel like it's too much work - giving for the other person, dealing with problems, they're unhappy. I bounce back and forth between the two pretty much everyday as I see different couples.

An old flame came back into my life recently, made me feel something I've missed for a long time. I mean, we only chat online because my previous life is in Ontario and I'm here, but it was so amazing to talk to him. Things with him were so complicated and short and I regret so much. I don't regret much in life, but this would be the most prominent example of regret that I feel towards anything. We were joking around and I invited him over to my place, and he asked if I was paying for the flight. I said yeah, I would, and after I said it, I realized it's completely true. I would find a way to get him here if it meant getting him here. I think if he got here, we'd have the best visit ever, we'd get back together, and I'd be with him for the rest of my life. In order for that to happen though, we'd have to sustain years of long-distance, and he'd have to forgive me for ending it last time and would also have to let himself fall for me again. Maybe that's far too much to ask?

This weekend, I have a date, and it will quite possibly be my first good date in a long time. I'm looking forward to it, but not-so-much the exhausting nature dates seem to bring with them. I'm optimistic, but there's a little voice in the back of my head that says, "you've had the best already, so why bother?"

Hmm. A very serious post. Woozle wuzzle?

--Jam