Idiocracy: A Tale from Summers Castle

Once upon a time, in the grand Summers Castle, King James and his daughters, princess Heather and princess Natalie, decided to have a fabulous games night. Each princess brought her favourite baron, as well as the alcohol fairy.

The alcohol fairy was very busy that night, distributing drunkeness to all but the king, who decided it would be more fun to watch the fairy at work. The games commenced, and despite the great efforts by everyone, King James was, of course, vicrorious.

Afterwards, the king retired to his royal chamber, and the rest went to Natalie's chamber. The night seemed to be coming to a close, when there was a loud knock at the castle doors! Because the princesses had the music sprites playing very loudly, only the king heard the knock. Since the servants had all went to sleep for the night, the king answered the door, only to find Lord Rich from the neighbouring castle.

"Thine music is too loud," he bellowed. "Please be quieter, for mine family is sleeping over yonder."

The king replied, "I apologize, Lord Rich. We shall turn it down immediately."

King James pounded on the princess' door until finally Natalie answered.

"They can hear thine music in the neighbouring castle," the king said, annoyed. "Please turn it down."

"They're lying!" replied princess Heather.

"I doubt that, so please turn it down." King James was rather confused at this remark, but since the alcohol fairy was still at work, he let it slide.

The princesses turned the music down slightly, but not enough. Within twenty minutes, the royal bells sounded at the front door. This time, the king was not going to answer the door, as he did not want to be in trouble for something he did not to. He pounded on the princess' door, only to be opened by Baron Bryan. Bryan went to open the door, even in the midst of the king asking for Natalie or Heather to do so.

Lord Rich asked for the music to be turned off, but for some reason, Bryan told him they would only turn it down, not off. Lord Rich was very angry, and said that he would call the royal guards if the music was not turned off. Baron Bryan took this personally and proceeded to instigate an argument with profane language. Princess Natalie finally intervened after a long while, and the baron retired to the chamber once again.

Since the alliance between townships has been severed thanks to the princesses and Baron Bryan, Princess Natalie and King James must now travel to the next castle to reconnect the bond, even though all the king did was sit in his royal chambers.

The moral of the story: Shut the feck up.

--King Jam