Bare

Heya.

So my mood this evening has dropped dramatically. I don't really know what to do with myself.

I've been in Newfoundland for near three months now. I've met some great people, friends I'm sure I will have until foreverdom, and that's great, but so much just seems left out. I go to class, I am getting good to great marks (A, B+, B, C+), I see my friends now and then, but nothing ever happens. I mean, I know school is all-encompassing, but I mean I haven't met a boy (Well, I've met several, but none that don't make me want to vomit constantly for eight days and nights.) which really makes me unhappy. I mean, I know it shouldn't, but what if I never find a guy, the guy for me? I want kids, I want grandkids, I want a loft in a downtown core, I want a big house on the outskirts of a metropolis (after the loft, not simultaneously, obviously), but what if it just never happens?

The thought is unbearable. I think in order to meet a guy, I need to get myself out there, but not in the ways I have been. So far, I've been trying to find guys online or at the club downtown, but that is simply not working, and both options would seem unnatural if I weren't gay. I think I'm going to try to get a minor position on the Students' Union, and get myself out there at school just as a fun person, and maybe guys will be attracted to me? Like, the guys so far this year that I've liked have both been guys I just met at school (both straight too.. wonderful), so I'll try that next I guess.

I mean, I'm glad I'm getting great marks and I enjoy my courses and reading and all that - I just want someone to care when I don't call or talk to them for a while. No one seems to care if I don't talk to them. It's a bad, lonely feeling.

I'm glad Athena's moving here in nine months because we seem to keep one another stable. She'd care if I didn't talk to her me thinks.

Well, time to go sleep away my sorrows.

...FEEL SORRY FOR ME! WAAH! Hahahaha, yeah just kidding. So I'm in a whiney mood. Sue me and lose.

--Jam