The Week When Everyone Went Insane

Alright. To all my readers who do not know the circumstances at Summers Castle concerning me, here's a reading list to keep you up-to-date:

1. Read this first.
2. Then this, but not the comments yet.
3. Then this.
4. Go back to this, and read the comments.
5. Finally, read this.

That should take you about half an hour lol (have fun!).

So now that you know what's going on, and you've read everything that I asked (if you haven't, you won't know what's going on). You'll note that there are some attacks on me in a couple of these posts, and that is what I am going to talk on today.

First, I'd like to talk about communication for a moment. Before computers, people talked in person. It's an interesting concept, but try to visualize it for a second. Neat, huh?

I do not, in any way, think that a blog is the place for a personal attack, but what do I know. I think a blog is a place for venting to others about problems in your life, but NOT a way to tell others what you think of them. It's rude. In my opinion, there is a difference between venting about a problem with a person and venting about a person, especially using names and expecting the person to read it. That is not the way people should communicate because when speaking in person, things are held back; when online, things are not, and that can be very harsh.

But, I digress. In the debates that were occurring on At's Blog, I joined in to try to help everyone out, but was shocked and disgusted when I was attacked on a personal level. Disgusted is used lightly. I was shocked that a friend of mine who supposedly "learned more from [me] than [I] probably know" would attack me on a level that was irreparable. The attack was due to a severe lack of communication on his part, and an apparent amount of rudeness on mine, which I don't believe is true, but whatever.

So once I read that wonderful attack, I wake up today to find one of my closest friends in the entire world has hopped on the strange venting-attack bandwagon. She was much more concerned rather than angry, and I take her opinions more seriously, of course. However, I am just as shocked as I was reading the other attack yesterday.

My question is.. what are people thinking!? What is this blog redemption that is occurring? Do people think it will do any good?

I am extremely confused and hurt by the entire process that has taken place.

First of all, in response to the "worrier", I am so baffled by you. I understand you are worried, but first of all, the fact that you don't even know where I am going to university in the fall shows me that you don't know the entire story as it stands, and that makes me angry. Angry that you would be worried over something that you really haven't talked to me about, so the worry is unfounded. I'm surprised that you don't care if I came back to Brock, but again, whatever.

The next thing that bothers me is my "prestigious" ideas. I post my ideas on my blog because it's my journal, and let's not forget that. I post them to get feedback on each individual idea, not on the entire batch of them being put down by being called "prestigious", a word I now dislike.

I aim high because in order to have a high return rate for success, you need to aim high. I'm not going to make small goals and hope that somehow they give me the success I desire, because that is highly unlikely. Do you think Donald Trump or Jennifer Lopez aimed low and somehow just made it to the top? No. I understand your worry, but there is a reason I was given the talents I have. I'm self-confident for a reason. If I aimed low and achieved something I was unhappy with, I wouldn't be happy, and would throw myself off a bridge. You should know that, as you know who I am, but nevertheless, I understand your concern.

Now, I could have looked at this post as a genuine concern if it hadn't been for one phrase. One phrase I despise and loathe.

"I feel like you're running from problems."

You feel like I'm running from problems. Interesting. What problems would those be?

You posted this in the part about me leaving Brock. So me staying at Brock would solve the "problem"? In my opinion, my "problem" was me flunking out of school. So in order to fix the "problem", I need to go back to school, no? Why on EARTH would I go back to Brock when all my friends will be done far ahead of me? Why would I go back there when I can travel somewhere new, exciting, and HALF THE COST? Did you know I have reasons for going to Newfoundland, not Nova Scotia? Apparantly no, you didn't, unless you thought my "problems" that I'm running away from were something else?

The only other thing I can think of is my family. My family is fine without me, and have all made that very clear. One of the people I am closest to in my entire family is my Aunt Leigh, in Newfoundland. Why not try to get close to someone in my family if I can, rather than trying to fix my "problem" with my Dad and the rest of the morons?

Anyways, I'm done defending myself. I understand you're concerned, but I'm very disappointed that you didn't talk it out with me if you were.

I would never ever doubt your decisions in your career or your life, unless you were not living up to your potential. The ONLY concern you should have for me is that I'm not living up to my potential, which I'm not, but I'm starting to figure out how I can and am moving in that direction.

Do I hate you for blogging about me, as you so kept reitterating? Of course not. But, I am very disappointed and annoyed.

So, past all of this, I thought that I might close Jam's Blog. If this is what blogs are now going to be used for, I want NO part of it. It's stupid and counter-productive. But as you all know, I don't throw in towels. This is my space that I use for me. I don't do this for others, but I enjoy having a small community of friends and random girls from the US (lol Liz that's for you) that give me feedback.

The last thing I want to say is communication is not always a good thing. I think it would be very beneficial if we didn't bottle things up, because that obviously turns out badly, but there are some things that simply do not need to be said. I think the male part of Summers Castle has gotten everyone worked up, and everyone just now wants to vent. If we all spoke our minds, however, none of us would like one another. We all have things we dislike in others, but why bother telling them? What good will that do?

All I have ever been to anyone is honest and I have always said what was on my mind, besides those points that don't need to be said. I think it's interesting that I am the one who is being centered out (along with Athena.. holla!) in these posts that are due to a lack of honesty, when we are the two most honest people alive lol. (See, now that is ironic.)

So, my friends who have not yet had a crazy venting session, and even those who have, talk to me in person if you have a problem with my decisions or actions, because I will not deal with this again. Unless I am further aimed at, I will not be posting on this subject because I'm sick and tired of it. Life is too short to deal with this crap as if it means the world, because in the long-run, it doesn't.

--Jam

PS: I just read a part that I missed before, somehow.

"Go ahead and hate me for thinking like this. I really don't care at this point."

You don't care if I hate you? That's a little strange, because I would definitely care if you hated me. Maybe I should be talking to you about your problems rather than you talking to me about mine, because now I am very worried and upset for your well-being.