The Hurting Unit

Mornin' peeps!

I'm sitting in my friend Jason's room after a very fun night of boozing and belching and everything else that starts with B. Well, except barfing. None of that, thank Jebus.

Yesterday was Canada Day, as I am sure you all know, and to celebrate, Rex Goudie was going to play on George Street. Rex Goudie. If you have been paying attention at all, you will know I have the largest crush imaginable on Rex. I voted for him every week on Canadian Idol, I dream about him (when I'm not making up other men, apparently), and I fantacize about him. When I heard he was playing, I got retardedly excited. Think a squirrel who just found a huge acorn who is having a seizure. Ya.

Instead of booking the night off work like a normal person, I risked it and had to work all day until close. Bummer extravaganza. All day and night, I talked to my co-workers about Rex, how much I love Rex, what I would do to Rex if I had him alone, what pieces of clothing I plan to throw to Rex. My straight male chef didn't understand why I loved him so much. We had this conversation:

Jam: What woman do you find most attractive in the entire world?
Chef: Pamela Anderson.
Jam: Werd. Pamela Anderson is to Chef as Rex Goudie is to me.
Chef: Werd.

So he got it. I don't think we actually said werd, but it made it so much more fun using it in that description, didn't it?

I closed as quickly as I possibly could and got to leave fifteen minutes early. I ran down to George Street and could hear him singing. My heart basically stopped and started eighty times as I walked down. Then, I heard him say this:

"Thank you very much! Happy Canada Day!"

And the music stopped altogether. I missed it. I didn't see him. I didn't touch him inappropriately. I didn't drool all over the people around me. I didn't.

My friends met up with me. A very disgruntled me drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol, danced around at about three clubs, and got felt up by a friend's boyfriend. Classy times all around.

I'll catch Rex next time he's in town. We'll do lunch. And dinner. And breakfast. Hah - I'll have good dreams tonight!

--Jam