No Show, All Tell

Hello, you beautiful audiencios, you!

Yes, I did just make up the word audiencio, made it plural, and you get to be one of them!

Today, I'm going to share a bunch of random facts about myself. I'm doing this to make sure that all of you know who I am, if you don't already, which you should since I know all of you... and also, because I have nothing whatsoever to write about because my life is boring. Hurray!

My middle name is Michael. I am the 4th generation to have that middle name on my father's side. Neat, huh?

I love cats and despise dogs. The dog upstairs, for example, will not stop barking at trees and bugs and cars and people and clouds and air and anything else that happens to move or crinkle or walk or not walk or stay perfectly still at any point in time. Therefore, at 3am or 6pm or anywhere in between, I hear "BROOO!" because it's one of those spaniels with the weird oo-barks. I especially (now) hate Oo-barks.

I hate crocs. The rubber shoes with the holes, not the big, scary, prehistoric lizards. They're kinda neat, in an I'm-going-to-eat-you way.

I think if I had pursued it earlier, I could have had a career in music. Not singing, but producing, mixing, and performing instrumentally.

I am extremely overconfident, and think I can do almost anything.

I could eat only feta cheese, black pepper Triscuits, cinnamon-raisin bagels with margarine, and drink milk and ginger-ale and white wine (all separately of course) for the rest of my life and be completely satisfied.

One of the most comforting experiences, if it counts as an experience and not a "thing", to me is a man's warm breath on the back of my neck at night.

I have a fascination with Rihanna. I think she is strange looking, but there is something inside me that loves her music, and wants her to be loved, and wants her to succeed even more.

I think Shakespeare was forgetful. His works are renowned for being able to be interpreted many different ways because of the parts he left open, but I don't believe he did it on purpose. I think he forgot, or was not smart enough to fill in the blanks.

I don't normally care if people agree with me. The opinions that matter most are those that stand out.

I find it fascinating that people fade in and out of my, and everyone's, life. As sad as it can be, I think it is necessary, and to an extent, I enjoy it.

Based on the above statement, I loathe Facebook. I think there are certain people I, and you, are supposed to lose touch with. Facebook is unnatural.

I unwillingly associate songs with people. Here are some examples:
Liz: Dancing 'Til the Stars Go Blue - Tim McGraw
Lindsay: If You're Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield
Athena: Under Pressure - Bowie & Mercury
Heidi: Psychobabble - Frou Frou
Julia: Faster Kill Pussycat - Paul Oakenfold ft. Brittany Murphy
Michael: Umbrella - Rihanna
MPhil: Desert Rose - Sting
Natalie: Me & You - Cassie
Jo & Chantelle: Sex & Money - Paul Oakenfold
Steph: Wherever You Are - Laava

I love talking about my friends. They make me who I am, they help me through anything and everything. Friends are the family I got to choose.

I have far more female friends than male friends.

I find my toaster to be sexy. It's dark blue and is sleek, stylish, and totally hot.

On that note, I'll finish.

--Jam, the sexy toaster man