The Towel

Caution! The following blog may be emo and/or angry, depending on what my fingers dictate. Read at your own risk.

So, I think I've endured a pretty crappy autumn when it comes to men. I liked a guy for a long while only to be given the "friend" card. Now I'm perfectly happy with this card (probably more so than any other card) but at the time, it seemed anything-but-perfect. Following him was mister rotten fruit whom I liked but was given a similar card, basically due to the fact that he's mental and doesn't really know what he wants (or so I've come to conclude to make myself feel better about the situation).

All-in-all, it has been a lot of stress with no result. No romance whatsoever for three months has led to a boring existence, to say the least.

Recently I've mentioned a boy in Toronto whom I was going to visit this Christmas while home for the holidays. It turns out he's from the same city I am, which is always fun to talk about how quickly we got out. We've talked on the phone, on webcam, done the whole e-date thing a dozen times. Things were looking to be interesting come the middle of this month.

Well folks, if you haven't guessed, the grass is not greener on the other side.

I hadn't heard from him in about three days and had sent him a text message after one with no response, so I texted him again. Here's our correspondence:

Me: Hey. Are you still alive or what? lol. (Yes, I text using proper grammar. So sue me.)

Him: Haha i am lol it's been an interesting few days with life

Me: Ah. You'll have to tell me about it when you get the chance.

Him: I will i don't think your gonna like it tho :( my ex wants to get back together

Me: I thought it was something like that. You do what's right for you.

Him: Thanks buddy

So, right now, since I haven't talked to him directly in four or five days, I'm going to assume that things are going swimmingly with him and his ex. Aw. How nice.

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where I throw in the towel. The stinky, overused, underwashed, ripped-and-torn, metaphorical towel. Something in me just clicked or broke. Probably broke. I just don't feel optimistic about love anymore. That said, I don't doubt that I'll have relationships in the future and whatever, but something in me just shrugs at the thought. It's just ridiculous that I should put myself through these useless tribulations when I can just be single and not care. I've dated profusely in the last five years and that is plenty for now.

Even though this guy is back home, over a thousand miles away, I had a small hope that we would hit it off anyway. And, don't get me wrong, it's not that I want him to be unhappy. If he's happy with his ex, then great. My problem with this is just that when do I get to be happy? My longest relationship was with someone that was wrong for me from the get-go, and that still lies at six months. When do I get this chance? My friends are getting married and I'm the single crazy one.

Anyway, before I get going on the whys of life, I'll stop. I'm just saddened because I really do feel different inside. Hopefully the next guy I meet likes a jaded prick.

--Jam