The Relation Ship

CAUTION! Upcoming rant on: Relationships

The relation ship is a large vessel that comes to your dock at some point in your life, allows you to board, which of course you do willingly. It takes you to a far-off land where you pick up another passenger, and the two of you sail around on the relation ship for all of eternity. Sometimes the ship runs out of supplies and the passengers have to disembark from the wonderful relation ship. Other times, two ships will meet and swap passengers (see the movie Closer for a visual aid). Those who sit on the docks gazing out at the numerous ships out at sea become envious. "What is that ship like," they ask. "Where is it going? Are the passengers happy?" The land-lubbers shouldn't be asking questions of the ship, however. They should be asking one of themselves: "Do I actually want to be on a relation ship?" (There could be rats! *shreek*)

You know the feeling. That knot in your stomach when you see happy couples walk by, hand-in-hand, thoughts only of one another. The feeling that fills you with envy, satisfaction, anger, sadness, and wonderment. It could very well be the animal instinct inside all of us, giving us a longing to find a mate, reproduce, and all that fun stuff. However, many couples don't have kids right away, some don't have them at all, and what about homosexual couples? Sex is different than a relationship. Our desire for sex is definitely a factor, but it cannot be a deciding one, because we can't have sex 24/7, now can we? (If you can, please don't share that. It's weird.)

I've looked onto relationships for the past four years wondering what it would be like to be in a "happy couple", to have someone who would always look out for me, who would always be there for me. I'm coming to the realization, however, that there are many many relationships I would never want to be in:

There are the kinds of couples who "seclude" themselves. I understand private time is needed and not a problem, but when I speak of seclusion, I mean from all others at almost all times. It's as if the couples' brains malfunction and they just can't get over the fact that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend! It's so exciting! "I don't need friends or pastimes or hobbies anymore!" It all sounds silly, but you and I both know they exist.

There are also the kind of couples who don't "fit". Those two people you see together than sometimes seem happy, but most of the time seem to be together because they're together. It's a cycle, it never ends, and it's very strange. Kind of like a comet surfing throughout the universe: it's doing it, but is there a reason?

One of my personal favourites are the couples who become extremely boring after they meet "the one". I mean who needs a social life when you have the one? These couples are different from the secluders because they are still having some fun, whereas these people just don't need fun anymore. These are mostly parental types who enjoy laundry and television, rather than long walks on the beach or anything remotely entertaining.

So you may be thinking to yourself "as long as they're happy, you shouldn't judge," and you're more than right. I onlook not to judge them and call them seclusive, reasonless, or boring, but rather to make a decision that I will never fit into those categories. I have also seen couples that I truly do envy, so I will become one of those. My relation ship will be the pride of the sea. Those on land will take pictures of our ship and be jealous beyond all reason.

But for now, I'm happy sitting on land, gazing at the seagulls and the ripples in the water. My ship will come.

--Jam