Slap Jam - Crap Cam - Map Fam

Slap Jam

The weekend started out on Friday, as it normally does (surprising, eh?). Work that day had been horrific, and because it's all negative stories, I'll keep the stories short. A guy, an employee, told me to fuck off, basically because he doesn't like me, because I did nothing to provoke him, and Rada, my best friend at work, was fired, and finishes on August 4th. It's becoming a horrible place to work, and everything that seems to happen nowadays is like a slap in the face. I'm very glad I'm leaving it all behind, I must say.

I went straight to the GO station to catch a bus to Kitchener after work. The bus ride seemed to take absolutely forever and our bus driver shamelessly hit on a passenger sitting near the front the entire ride. I guess it was entertaining, but I much would have rather had peace and quiet. Lindsay picked me up at the station around 8pm, we rushed to get booze and food and then rushed back to her place to predrink (mmm we had daquiris, omigosh, drink from heaven.. if heaven has booze) and get ready (I looked fiiiiine.. per usual lol).

We took the bus, went to Vince and Cam's place to drink more, and finally left for the club around midnight. We met Nate there, and then the rest of the night is kind of a blur. I grinded with Nate for some of the night, so that was kinda hawt. Vince had taken to flirting with me very roughly though, and was like smacking me really hard lol. I had to explain to him that I'm a small guy, and that beating me up is a bad and very easy thing to do.

Although I was very drunk, I happily did not get sick. First time in a while lol.. (I'm becoming a lightweight overnight or something!)

Crap Cam

Lindsay and I drove back to Brantford, had some A&W, drove around for fun, and then finally decided to stop in at Williams and just chillax for a bit. I run over while she's in line and steal this booth in the corner with a window, and piss off a bunch of people while doing it (hahaha, too slow suckas!). We sit, drink our drinks, chat about whatever.

About half-an-hour after we had first sat down, we notice a car pull up into the parking lot and a kid, about two years old, jumps out, so we figure the parents will bring him in, sit down, whatever. Then we notice he's pulling down his pants, so of course we start laughing, like "kids are silly" laughter, 'cause they are. Anywho, then he proceeds to crouch down and POO on the ground! In the parking lot! Pooped! Like a big terd! In front of me and Lindsay and about eight other people in Williams! I don't know if the shock value is getting through, but OH MY GOD HE POOPED! Oh but wait, this gets better.

The kid then just pulls up his pants and jumps back in the car! The poop is just sitting on the ground! The guy in the car sat there and watched his kid poop, and then let his kid jump back in, and then just sat there and talked to some other guy through the passenger window. LIKE WTF? Obviously the "dad" knew that the kid needed to poop, so he let his son jump out of the car and poop on the ground which was fifteen feet from a public washroom? What are people teaching their kids? Like.. gah!

Anyway, the car just sits there for a long time and we're wondering what we should do. Should we tell someone? Should we go out and tell him off? Should we throw up.. a lot? Eventually a woman from another booth, who had also watched the entire thing, went and told the manager. As the manager, past her disbelief and disgust, was about to go out and see what the hell is the matter with people, a woman wearing a Williams shirt comes from around the building, jumps in the car, and they drive off. So that means it was probably her kid! Her kid who just POOPED in the parking lot of her workplace in front of a dozen customers!

Anyway, a couple girls who work there went out with a bunch of stuff and cleaned it up. I felt really bad for them to have to do that, but I guess it had to be done. They should put it in that girl's locker or something. I'm sure she's going to get a talking to, if not a pink slip.

Map Fam

Saturday night, I went over to my Nana's house for a short visit with my mom. They both proceeded to tell me I'm chubby now, so I left fairly early and went home. Mary, my stepmother from hell from heaven, called and wanted me to go out for my brother Josh's birthday, even though his birthday was about a month ago. I said yes, assuming it was to a restaurant, but no, it was to her brother's house, full of bibles, holy water, and anything else they could use to exorcize their heathen relative Jam.

Sunday they picked me up, late as usual, and after a lot of driving, we arrived at their house. As much as I think all of these people are very nice, they're all very slow, except my oldest brother Josh, who is just naive. They never talk about anything relevant besides children, maps, Tim Horton's, cars, and church. Oh, wait, also church, maps, children, cars, and Tim Horton's. Hmm, am I forgetting any? Oh cars and church, and sometimes... you get the point. They don't know about anything, so how can they talk about anything? The conversations are so dull and unintellectual, good lord. Good lord indeed. Plus, they don't drink! AT ALL! So I had to sit through an entire eight hours of inane chatter, children screaming, and church people with no alcohol!

That doesn't sound like a good lord to me! LOL! After that, I came home and drank a lot and went to bed. Now I get to go into work... I need another weekend.

The End! *whew*

--Jam