Questionry

Ola.

My aunt and family out here took me out for dinner and some fun tonight and it was so wicked. We went to a roadhouse and I have a tastey wrap, made eye contact a bunch of times with a guy in my line of sight. We went and played glow-putt and were terrified by the "wonderful" Hallowe'en decorations throughout the course. My aunt and I stayed at the mall and shopped a bit. I bought some very hot shoes that are currently sitting downstairs with that suede-saver gunk on them, and I plan to wear them all day, every day until it snows. We saw "The Last Kiss", a Zach Braff flick that was very deep and dramatic, but a great movie nonetheless.

Anywho, this post isn't about my day, activity by mundane activity - it's about that movie and how I feel now.

The movie was riveting and brought up interesting questions that I really don't think people think of much at all: Will this be the last time I do this? Will this be the last person I do this to? Am I satisfied with this being the last time?

In basically every aspect of my life, I have not experienced the major lasts. I have many more classes to come, so many different jobs I'm sure, different roommates, different new friends, different experiences with the old ones. As for my love life, it just makes me wonder what's to come. It's been so dead lately. Dead is actually too light a word; perhaps stagnant, barren, arid, inexistent. Out here, everyone is in a relationship or is extremely focused on a messed-up, drama-filled mish-mash that could be called a relationship. I, on the other hand, have no prospects, no idea of what might come along. Should I? Is it better not knowing? What if there's nothing to know? What if I am meant to drift through life as a poster boy for the gay single romantic? What if it's beneficial to my career and well-being that I don't have a man and maybe that's why I don't?

Well, let's hope there's some left. I'm sure there is, and I'm just being overdramatic, but I am ready to meet my last kiss now. Maybe I have already met him. Part of me wishes so - part of me really doesn't. Part of me wants to know what I should do next. Part of me wants to feel the way I've felt before, but part of me is actually satisfied with its self-sufficiency.

Anyway, enough of whiney lonely Jam for tonight. Oh, and yes, I did make up the word "questionry".

--Jam