Torment

Howdy.

So it's past 6am and I'm awake. I just had the first dream that actually woke me up in my entire life and I'm very distraught.

My Dream
I go to drop off Christmas presents to my siblings on December 25th because I think they deserve gifts even if I don't see them very often. *in real life, I haven't talked to my dad or step mother since May, and don't plan to any time soon due to fun events, which you can ask me about if you really want to know*

Anyways, I go into the front foyer and they greet me and I see my youngest brother Jacob in the living room. I call for him to come give me a hug, but he doesn't remember me, so I let it go. It's not that important. Brittany, my sister (14) comes and gives me a hug and I tell her "no matter what happens, we're staying friends, alright?" and she says ok. She then asks if I'm staying for Christmas dinner, and I say no I'm not invited, to which she asks "why not?". I look up at my stepmom and dad who are standing there and I say "you ask your parents why, I'm sure they'll give you some sort of answer."

So I go to leave, and my dad hits me in the face, so hard that I hit the floor.
...and then I wake up.

I'm so annoyed with this dream because since my dad screwed up our already fragile relationship, I've been having recurring dreams about him or the family or anything else that could have to do with it, and I'm sick and tired of it. I mean it bothers me that I'm now detached from one half my family, but I mean, I got over it. Well I thought I did.

So now I sit here, awake, and my face almost hurts from the punch. So much so that I feel like calling him right now and telling him off. But of course, then I'd be crazy lol and that's probably not a good thing.

I'm also annoyed, at this point in time, at people who have cute little relationships with their families. People here in St. Catharines think it's weird that I enjoy staying here rather than go home. It's almost to the point where my housemates think I'm some sort of horrible person to my mom, at least that's the vibe I get from a couple of them. It just seems so unrealistic for me to get along with my parents. Our levels of realism, faith, education, and mentality, as well as our points of view on nearly everything, are very different. Ugh... "family" is just another word for people who were forced upon you. You must like these people because they are your "family". Well, "family life" can be rearranged to make "fail my life", and that's exactly what I'm going to do if I continue to dwell on the stupid and ignorant actions of my "family".

Anyways, I'll do a normal update eventually. I just needed to get that out, because this dream should not be forgotten. The inner torment he is causing me today will cost me a hell of a lot in the future, and I'm not simply talking money to my shrink, although I'm sure that will take up some "cost".

--Jam

Note to self: DAMN you type fast. You sexy dawg you! lol aaaand ya I'm weird and need sleep. Night.