There's beauty in the breakdown

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
--Let Go, by Frou Frou

Hey people,

So I'm having a depressed day.

I'm sick (a little), and physically and mentally exhausted. A lot of people are really driving me insane for no reason, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm being short with people when they don't deserve it. Then again, maybe they do.

School sucks. I have no energy to do well in my classes, but I really need to do well to get into another program next fall. Hopefully I wake up and listen to myself. I think I can pull it together by exam time.

I almost feel like I'm living the life that wasn't supposed to be mine. I enjoy my friends and my self, but a lot of the rest seems to be messed up.

My family is a horrible mess, and I feel like giving up on them. But I miss my Nana and my kitty, Sheba. I think I might go to Memorial University next year, in St. John's, NFLD. Have a new start. But then I'd be leaving any chance of reconnection with my family, as well as leaving terrific friends behind.

Whatever.

--Jam

PS - I realize this email was all over the place, but I also realize that I don't care that it was all over the place.

It is worth $28.89

Hey everyone,

So I finally have the internet back! It turns out the router was screwing up, so I had to call the helpline thingy (because my roomies were too shy to call it) and find out what the hell was wrong. So after a long conversation, and with the help of Shadra the phone customer service lady, I fixed it! I feel so proud of myself lol. Yay! So now I'm back online for one and all to see.

Tonight I'm going to Toronto for Craig's Bday! WOOOOT! I've never been to the bars in Toronto, but it should be a hoot! We're gonna go to Woody's first, and then to a british pop club! Should be a fun night for him, and that's all that matters!

In other news, I'm dating a boy! Some of you may say about time, some may say a bitter "damn you", whatever you say, it's good news to me! His name is Brian and he lives in Burlington. I've known him for about 2 years, and all I can say is I couldn't have found a better guy (unless he has some weird tendencies I don't know of lol). He's friends with Craig as well, so he's coming out tonight, and I'm staying the weekend at his place! I'm so excited :)

Aaaanywho, I guess that's all the update for now! Bye ya'll!

--Jam

Computer down! Computer down!

Howdy to all my adoring fans!

So my internet is down, again. It's my computer or something, because I'm on a router and the other two lovely ladies who use it have their internet.. so yay for them and boo to me. I'm trying to get ppl to help me out, but they seem as stumped as I do.

Therefore, I won't be on MSN very often, and I apologize to the ppl I talk to exclusively on MSN cause I'm not ignoring you, I'm simply out of commission for a short while.

On another note, Thanksgiving was terrible, as promised. Dad and I said nothing to each other, my mom and I fought, and I had no entertainment besides alcohol and some good friends, which isn't so bad. But needless to say, I'm very happy to be back with my friends in another city.

LOL Heather and I are sitting here talking, and Passions comes on television. Has anyone noticed it is the WORST show on television? A girl is pregnant with her half-brother's baby!? EW! What kind of plot line is that? And now the same girl is putting drugs into a glass of lemonade and saying "I'm sorry Fox. I need you to make love to me. Everyone, including you, has to think this is your baby I'm carrying!"

Ew and now there's a commercial on television advertising for "The Biggest Loser". Yeah, they're losers alright. I'd go into detail, but they're fat people.

Ohh man, good times in Heath's room, laughing at soap operas.

Anywho, email me people!

--Jam

It's hotter than a naked Brad Pitt in here..

Hey Hey,

So it's quarter after four and I'm awake, feeling like absolute shi-at. I feel like I'm on fire and it's so freakin hot in here, but I imagine that's just me.

I wish there was something to do at 4 in the morning, but there's really not. Boo-urns.

I'm gonna try to sleep again. Gobble gobble.

--Jam

GOBBLE, DAMNIT!

Hey Hey!

So this weekend is good ol' Thanksgiving! Anyone looking forward to it? Anyone? Anyone?

No takers? Ya, didn't think so.

My weekend is going to consist of drinking with Lindsay, family dinner one, family dinner two (which will be far more awkward), trip to Ikea with mom, and visiting my baby Sheba!

It's kind of funny that I'm taking a trip to Ikea with my mother. During the summer when we wanted to kill each other, I would have never contemplated that I would be voluntarily going with her for a day.. anywhere. It seems our combined hatred for Paul has brought us closer. I guess that's a bonus, since losing both parents could have been quite detrimental to my mental health in the long run, having one around might help. By no means are my mom and I "chummy", but we're on the right path.

My god my room is messy. Yarg. I should clean... maybe later lol.

So not much to post about really. I'm still 20 and still loving it. I was the 3rd oldest person in my psych seminar the other day in an experiment. All those damn youngins lol.

Did anyone watch Survivor/The Apprentice tonight? What an amazing and grueling couple of episodes! My baby Brady was voted off Survivor. A ridiculous turn of events, if you haven't been watching, has occured. The old fat tribe members are voting out the young men, therefore leaving me with hardly any eye candy. Those men are so dumb because how are they supposed to compete if they get rid of all the strong men. Ridiculous. And on The Apprentice, my new favourite character Stacey kicked some serious butt in getting Pamela fired. She is one tough cookie and I can see her going to the end. You go gurl!

Funniest damn thing EVER!

And I guess that's about it. Happy Le Gobble Jour!

--Jam

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Hey everybody!

So today is the day! I'm officially an "adult". The big 2-0 has finally hit, and ya know what, I really am excited!

I mean I remember looking up on teenagers and thinking wow, they're so old! ... and now I'm not even one of those! I'm a big old fogie! lol but I don't care! My twenties are going to be the best time of my life, so I'm going to enjoy them! Those people that message me and say "you're so old" or "you're half way to 40", I say that THEY need to grow up, because my cup is half full, and I'm not thinking of the negatives. Why bother. People wonder why time goes by so fast. Why you wake up one day and you're old. It's because they focus on the negative, so all you pessimists, I say KNOCK IT OFF! ..or I'll bury you alive in a box! (haha inside joke with C.. so awesome).

So I had a great set of parties on the weekend, great friends all around, even some from Brantford which was amazing. I couldn't have asked for anything more and it was by far the best birthday I've ever had. What a great start to a great decade!

Love all my friends so much for being terrific and fun and in my life!

YAY TWENTY!!!

--Jam