Musicgasm

Okay. I know I already posted today, but something happened.

I found Duffy.

Duffy is a Welsh artist, born the same year as me, and has a fantastic voice. She's best known for Mercy, a soulful song that has been compared to Amy Winehouse. I had heard it in clubs, but never really made any sort of connection.

Then I saw Rain on Your Parade.

Go watch.

In about two hours, I have developed a huge music obsession with both this song and with her. I listened to it for a good hour on Youtube, repeating it over and over, belting it out as I made bagels and tidied my room. I then looked for the mp3 on Limewire, only to find silly radio edits. So, being as obsessed as I (already) am, I converted the Youtube video to mp3. I had never done it before, but I learned, as I wanted it that badly.

Now, my friends will tell you that I seem to have somewhat of an obsessive personality. Heather can tell you how many times I listened to Oh My Gosh by Basement Jaxx. Lilly could easily point out my obsession with Feedback by Janet.

I don't think they compare to this. My computer might overheat.

What a way to go.

--Jam

One Hour

My roommate has been in the bathroom for an hour. The shower was on for twenty-two minutes, therefore I will, again, have a luke warm shower this morning.

What is he doing in there? He's a straight male with no hair. Seriously.

So weird.

--Jam

PS: Sorry I haven't had time to post a real blog lately. School is eating my life.

EDIT: Cold. The water was cold. And the floor was soaked, even though we have a bath mat that I so graciously bought for the bathroom. He left the house as I was getting out of the shower because he knew I was going to freak. People are going to drive me nuts, my dear peeps. Nuts, nuts, oh how nuts.

Snap

My favourite necklace just broke. All the beads are all over my floor.

...I think I'm ready for bed now.

--Jam

A Small Vow

Anyone and everyone can bring this up if I ever, from this moment forward, retract my intentions from the following statement.

I promise that I will never act as though I care for and/or love someone and then intentionally or otherwise hurt them in a way that can make them question whether that emotion actually exists.

I have been hurt too many times by family and lovers to allow myself to become the same. I don't know how to stop it from happening to me, however I vow to never grow into that type of a person who can treat others in such a horrific manner.

That's it for today folks. We seem to be on a low note today. I'll try to raise 'er up soon.

--Jam

On the Eastern Front

In response to last post:

1. I don't think Rob noticed he was on the blog. We'll have to nudge him slightly with a sharp object.

2. I'm in total and complete love with my room. Still.

3. He's fantastic. Absolutely 100% fantastic. Like whoa.

4. Still.

5. Can't believe it.

I totally didn't feel like posting today, but I have to keep posting or I'll stop altogether like before, and that would just be no good. No good at all.

...is anyone out there?

--Jam

The Insomnia Fairy

Yo dawgs and dawgettes.

So, I've had this insane insomnia the last week. I hardly ever get insomnia because of my sleepy-fatigue-thing, so when I get it, it lasts a day, followed by lengthy sleep the next day. This time, it's lasted from Sunday night and it just won't go away. Today I even got up earlier than I needed to, kept busy all day, and now it's 3am and I'm still awake. Why? So weird.

Anyway, some random stuff about anything:

1. This is a big hey-there-shout-out to Rob. He's been bugging me for months to put him on the blog, so there you have it. Rob has been blogged. I'm sure he won't like this, but there is a picture of the two of us at the bottom of this blog. (He'll never ask to be put into my blog again!)

2. I finished the furniture part of my room today! My friend Jason sold me his huge TV, entertainment unit, and desk, so my little bedroom-cum-apartment is looking fantastic. Now to just make a few little pictures to stick to the walls and I'm all set.

3. I have a date on Saturday. Different guy than my rantings, and this one seems great too. Met online (ugh) but I'm trying to overlook that weird factor. I actually met him in a class over a year ago (which we only recently discovered), so technically, we met in real life. Take that, plenty of fish! Anyway, he's very adorable and smart and flirty. I like flirty guys.

4. My room looks amazing. Oh wait, I already said that.

5. Flirty is not a word. The more you know.

Yeah, I got nothin'.

--Jam

Building an Empire

Wouldn't it be cool if you could just use all your strengths to have one big "go" at the world? In an ideal world, I'd love to be able to be successful in so many creative outlets.

Of course, writing would be at the forefront. I'd love to have a series of adult fantasy novels, and some independent religious satires. I want to have a column in a well-known magazine, documenting travel or opinion, or both. I want to be a person that is respected but not overwhelming in the literary world.

I already compose music, so wouldn't it be great to have a reputation as an innovative ambient-electronica artist? I'd love to have a small niche market, having songs pop-up behind fun moments in film or classic runway walks. None of the glamour of mainstream music, a tiny portion of the income, but all the fun and satisfaction of contributing to the musical world.

As a person with an eye for fashion, I'd die if I could create beautiful clothes for beautiful people. My love for garments and fabrics is something that needs to be explored. If only as a hobby, I'd love to present at least one runway show in my life, and see my girls wearing something that I carefully crafted just for them.

It all seems ridiculous, but why not dream the big dream? Right now, I'll just focus on my degree and be a good, down-to-earth boy, but maybe I'll take a sewing class this summer, buy a canvas or two and fool around, and work on the score to my friend's independent film.

I can't get anywhere if I don't have goals, and I can't reach those goals if I don't try. So let's get started, shall we?

--Jam

PS: I think I want to change my last name. If I had a husband (with a good last name), I could just add "Mc" and I'd be all set. Now, where did I leave him?

The Shower Detective

My faucet is missing.

I woke up this morning and the faucet to the shower is just gone. I can't turn on the water, therefore I can't shower, therefore I'm as grumpy as an itchy rhino.

Why is it not there? It's just nowhere. I looked everywhere except my roommates' rooms, so technically, it either has to be there, or someone took it out of the house for some reason.

I'm holding it in, but I'm actually screaming inside. Pray for me.

Actually, scratch that. Pray for my roommates, and then pray for me, because I'm going to be put in jail for going on a frantic killing spree with sharp objects.

*sigh* That is all.

--Jam

Twenty

When I was twenty, what I was like?

It was only four years ago, but it feels like a lifetime. I was a decent dresser but my jeans weren't nearly tight enough. I definitely didn't flaunt it like I owned it, even though I did. I dated lots of different guys, some much better than others. I went through a severe blow when I dropped out of school and had to reorganize my life completely. I started my first adult job, which I quickly abandoned. Overall, I was a confused person. Though I loved life, I was really in a time of self-discovery and of learning what the world was really like.

Four years later, and now I've fallen for a guy who is, fairly newly, 20. We have become so close, it's sick really. If I envision myself with anyone, it would most likely be him. The traits he holds fit into this nice little box that I can picture, and aside from that, he's amazing. Like, yeah, amazing. So, I talked to him about my feelings, came all clean, and he said he's not ready for a serious relationship. He knows that him and I would work on a serious level, but of course, he doesn't want that yet, both because he wants to experience dating other people and doesn't want to lose what we have.

I totally get it. I completely understand. However, I am so frustrated.

What do you do when you meet a person (I never say "the" person because I don't know if I believe that to be true) who you could be with, for such a long time, and be perfectly happy, and you can't have them?

Now, we'll stay friends, go about everything the way it was, but I'll probably never completely stop feeling that for him.

I feel like Urkel.

--Jamurkel

The Broken Window to the Soul

I hear dreams are the window to the soul. Or is that the eyes?

Well, for the purpose of this post, we're saying dreams. Dreams should be--they reflect emotions, events, people--everything I'm stressing about or neglecting.

As of late, I've been stressing over: boy, that awful essay, my missing peas, my procrastination, money.

The dream I had last night:

I'm sitting on a brick wall at the end of a cliff, overlooking the forest and apparently town down below. Boy is to my right, my mom is to my left. I lean over to kiss said boy, but then realize that my mom might notice (I would imagine so since we're in the middle of nowhere, sitting next to one another.) so instead, I scream out "The Great Wall of China!" My mom is like "I know you're trying to hide it with the Great Wall, but it's not going to work," and then I start to cry or something. Then my mom is suddenly my English prof and she's like "he's a young man" and I can't argue because I'm sitting next to boy and I'm like "oh, he is." I don't remember much after this, just being frustrated with myself for not realizing that boy is young (even though he's not the guy in the poem, obviously.). I woke up shortly after with a huge craving for peas.

If that's not a window, I don't know what is. Well, besides actual windows. I suppose those are windows too.

--Jam

Implosion of the Brain

1. I got a 55 on an in-class essay. It's worth 10%, and I got 55. Five, five. Seriously. I'm fuming because the essay was based around choosing two poems by Atwood and comparing and contrasting them relative to different themes. The theme I chose was time. We received these topics ahead of time and time happened to fit into two poems I wanted to analyze. I prepared, I studied, the end.

The end, indeed. She said that I tried to force them together for the purpose of the assignment, that one of the poems didn't have to do with time. She said the one poem is about a young man.

Now, although you don't know the poem, I shall tell you a key element about said poem. There is no age given. He reflects on a past love, he is crippled, he yearns to be able-bodied again. To ME, that sounds like an elderly man, therefore it is completely subjective. It's not fair for me to receive a bad mark simply because she doesn't agree with me. No. NO NO NO.

2. In my rage, I can't remember what I was going to say, so I'll ramble about my frustration with boy instead. He's so confusing! I'm still terrified to tell him or come on to him or any crap, but at the same time, I am going out of my mind therefore I have to tell him. But then what if he goes home for Thanksgiving? Then I have to wait another week. Then I have to gooutofmymindandjumpoffmyfreakingroof!

3. Someone threw out my peas. Why? I wanted peas. Now they are gone.

I want my freaking peas!

Totally drinking tonight.

This has been yet another useless rant with too much italicized text.

--Jam

Procrastination Station

How do I manage to keep putting things off? Every now and then, I'll do a bit of work, and then when I have to do something or fail, I crunch it out and become exhausted for a week. I think this is the student norm, but I wish I could be more studious sometimes.

My mom keeps calling and saying "get in those books, mla mla mla" and as much as I ignore it, I really should be reading a lot more than I am, or so I think. I just can't help but let my mind wander. While reading, I drift to my crush, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Sarah Palin, the crumbs on the counter, my laundry, my cake, the Green Party--and the list goes on.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to combat procrastination?

Is anyone still here? Hello? Hello? Bueler?

--Jam

Birthday Wishes

I would be greedy if I were to ask for anything more than what I have right now. My party last night was a complete success. I have such amazing friends--the right people in my life right now--and it made for a hilarious evening.

Thank you to everyone and happy my birthday to you, from the bottom of my hungover heart.

--Jam

All the Pretty Horses Things

Today is quite a day. Didn't you know? It's the day before my birthday!

Okay, okay, you can stop cheering now.

I can't believe it's been twenty-four years since I jumped out of my mom six weeks early. (I say jumped out because I'm feisty, obviously.) I would have never thought, as a child, in my early years, that this is where I would be, sitting at a dining room table in a small house in St. John's, Newfoundland, working on my undergraduate degree, fawning over a guy who probably won't have me, with so many good friends, I can't even count them. I wouldn't have imagined I'd have dated both a hairstylist and two Ph.D students. I wouldn't have even thought that I would be gay, I suppose. I couldn't have dreamed I'd be in this much debt, and wouldn't have thought I'd be willing to get into this much debt to accomplish so much.

It's an interesting day, today. A day of reflection, and soon to be, a day of homemade memories. A day of gifts, a day of drinking, and probably, a night of throwing up. (We'll hope not, but alas, I know myself too well.) A day of looking fabulous around friends, who of course, also look fabulous. (I only make friends like that, obviously.) Hopefully a day of new beginnings. A day of happiness and a day to enjoy everything I have; everything that I'm grateful to be able to enjoy.

I love spending my birthday with all the people that mean something to me, and although there are five girls in particular back home that I'd love to have here with me, along with hordes of friends (I'm modest), I'm humbled that I have a group of friends here who care about me and who are coming to celebrate everything I've come to embody. I love sharing my day with everyone else, so happy my birthday everyone!

Happy my birthday to you.

--Jam

You're Not a Person

I don't really understand the sermon-like American news.

It seems that they enjoy preaching what Americans like or think, unconscious to the fact that they are broadcasting to, whoa, Americans!

Here is a great example. Watch the entire clip and he will eventually ramble on about what you will eventually think and how your vote will change due to a comment by Barack Obama.

I'm just happy he's not referring to me, a happy Canadian, and I can simply think for myself.

--Jam

Blind

In St. John's, we have a theatre company, Empire Theatres, that is prominent throughout Canada. Not as big as Cineplex, it has theatres across the mainland and is the only company here in Newfoundland.

It sucks.

Two movies I've been looking forward to for a long while, Blindness and Religulous, two of the biggest movies this year, are not coming to Empire Theatres. Why? They'll be high-grossing movies and, oh no, they're thought-provoking! I don't know if the Newfies can't handle thought, what with their excitement to see Eagle Eye, Nights in Rodanthe, and Lakeview Terrace, however maybe instead of leaving those lovely films in theatre for ten weeks, we could switch it up and maybe promote intelligent films.

So.. *checks Empire website*

Well, look at that. They are playing this Friday. Both of them.

...why is it when I look at films, neither come up? Because they're not playing yet? How are people supposed to know they're coming then? WTF?

Fix your website! UGH.

This has been a useless rant by Jam. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Please tune in every day for another.

--Jam