11.29.2006

The State of Vermont

Here's a letter written by a mother of a gay man in Vermont, U.S.A. It's very well articulated, but also intense, so let me know what you think. Unfortunately I don't know the original source, so it's merely a statement in the wind. Enjoy!

***

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities
that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 '05 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

***

Indeed.

--Jam

11.28.2006

The Power Sneeze

Meow, cool cats. Meow.

Today wasn't the most eventful, but I feel like blogging. Got a problem with that? Hmmmmm? Good.

What is with people typing "hmmm" when they mean "mmmm"? It confuses me. Don't do that. I'm confused enough as it is.

Anywho, what to write about? I sneezed about thirty minutes ago and hurt my left ear and my right bicep. I was like "ACHOO! OW! WTF?" and then kinda laughed at myself on my bed while my roommates were like whispering to one another that I'm a freak. Well, more like yelling at me "FREAK!" Gotta feel the love. Feel iiiiit!

I can't believe I only have three days left of school before exams! It's just.. crazy! I've been here a whole semester already? When did that happen? Doesn't it seem like I just left and was yammering on about the bank? Well, actually, the bank feels like so long ago. A life I've left behind, so bizarre. I can't wait, though, to go back and see all my li'l banker peeps! I'm gonna go with them and buy sushi and talk about non-bank-related things. It'll be grand! GRAAAAND!

On the topic of school, my grades are:
B-
B+
B+
A-


HELLO! I ROCK! I can't even believe I'm managing to do that! I might even be able to pull one of them up to an A with the exam, so here's hoping! *fingers crossed*

Why do people say "Hello!" when they actually mean "Wow!" or "Look at me!"? I don't get it, really. What if you've been with that person all day? You saying hello to them really makes no sense. Silly language.

Bye!

--Jam

11.26.2006

Bare

Heya.

So my mood this evening has dropped dramatically. I don't really know what to do with myself.

I've been in Newfoundland for near three months now. I've met some great people, friends I'm sure I will have until foreverdom, and that's great, but so much just seems left out. I go to class, I am getting good to great marks (A, B+, B, C+), I see my friends now and then, but nothing ever happens. I mean, I know school is all-encompassing, but I mean I haven't met a boy (Well, I've met several, but none that don't make me want to vomit constantly for eight days and nights.) which really makes me unhappy. I mean, I know it shouldn't, but what if I never find a guy, the guy for me? I want kids, I want grandkids, I want a loft in a downtown core, I want a big house on the outskirts of a metropolis (after the loft, not simultaneously, obviously), but what if it just never happens?

The thought is unbearable. I think in order to meet a guy, I need to get myself out there, but not in the ways I have been. So far, I've been trying to find guys online or at the club downtown, but that is simply not working, and both options would seem unnatural if I weren't gay. I think I'm going to try to get a minor position on the Students' Union, and get myself out there at school just as a fun person, and maybe guys will be attracted to me? Like, the guys so far this year that I've liked have both been guys I just met at school (both straight too.. wonderful), so I'll try that next I guess.

I mean, I'm glad I'm getting great marks and I enjoy my courses and reading and all that - I just want someone to care when I don't call or talk to them for a while. No one seems to care if I don't talk to them. It's a bad, lonely feeling.

I'm glad Athena's moving here in nine months because we seem to keep one another stable. She'd care if I didn't talk to her me thinks.

Well, time to go sleep away my sorrows.

...FEEL SORRY FOR ME! WAAH! Hahahaha, yeah just kidding. So I'm in a whiney mood. Sue me and lose.

--Jam

Blogger, Where For Art Thou

Heyyyyya.

So, I apologize for not blogging. I did a gigantic post on my horrible dating experience and my horrible bank experience and all these lovely things that have happened this last week, but blogger decided, twice, to delete my posts. When that happens, my motivation to post again just kind of disappears. But here I am, trying again. Jam the tryer, is what I should be called. Although, then people might start calling me Jam the dryer, and then I'll have to get someone else the washer to match, or people will want me to dry things, and then there'll be jokes about how I'm full of hot air, and then I'll have to walk around with a huge fan and I'm so not carrying around a fan, so don't call me Jam the tryer.

The bad date, in a very short form point form thingy is this:
-chatted with guy online two weeks ago
-had date on Saturday night
-nice guy, not compatable to date
-he rambled about his bad dating experiences and how guys aren't respectful, ra ra ra, so I emailed him the next day and very very politely said he was nice, stay friends, no dating
-he messaged me, was very rude, said I wasn't his type, he knew this, bla bla bla, so I said goodnight, was still polite, and deleted him from MSN
-he messaged me days later in a chat room and called me horrible names, basically because he's angry that I didn't want to date him, and so I blocked him

Long story short, I can do so much better, and people are disgusting, rude boogerbrains.

The thing with the bank was just I went into Scotiabank here, a company I worked with for almost a year, and couldn't deposit a $200 cheque because I'd have a hold on it. Even though I have $500 cashback. Even though I worked for the company and KNOW they can deposit it without a hold. Even though they are now going to get a complaint to the bank manager. Try me, Newfie bankers. I dare you.

Well, I'm off to write another paper. Only three weeks 'til Ontario!

Oh, and happy U.S. Thanksgiving to all, and all a good night!

--Jam

11.21.2006

Don't Explode

So, a new, very simple, very addictive game has been released. Check 'er out!

Missle Game 3-D


I've made it to level five. Can anyone beat that? Have fun!

--Jam

Must-Sees

Every year at this time, production companies decide to release all of their good films at once. After a year of not-so-great films, these six films will surely be top winners at the Oscars, so I want to see them all. I put them in order of my excrutiating desire to see them, from least to most. If you've seen any of them, comment and let me know how it was. I'm going to have to download some of them because my pockets are fairly shallow this month.

For Your Consideration


The Queen


Children of Men


Bobby


Notes on a Scandal


The Fountain


--Jam

11.20.2006

Gaffed

Howdy.

So I'm reading this novel called Gaff Topsails for my english class. It's one of FOUR novels I'm supposed to read for that class this semester. I'm also supposed to have an essay finished on it by tomorrow, but that is not going to happen.

This novel is the most boring novel I have ever read. I've spent so much time reading, but I don't get anywhere because it's so detailed that it's hard to read, nothing ever happens, and there are these lists, lists of groceries, of things that happened in history, lists of lists, that continue to occur, and I can't take it!

I can't take it! I can't read anymore!

WAAAAH!

..so my essay's gonna be late. If I read anymore of it tonight, I will implode, or my brain will fall out my ear, or something. I've read half of the novel, and it feels like I've read about eighty novels. Never ever read it. EVER.

Well, I guess that's it.

...EVER!

--Jam

11.19.2006

The Stacks

Sorry for the lack of postage, peeps! I've been crazy busy, but here's all the stuff that's going on, inside and outside of my head:

There is a gorgeous man sitting in my dining room right now. He lives in St. John's, but grew up with my roommate Sandra. I don't think either of my roomies think he's hot at all, but I was practically drooling. He's hot - trust me. I had a couple drinks with him, not dating material even if he were to bat for my team, but damn. Just.. damn.

School is overwhelming. I have two more novels to read, four essay to write, and three exams. It's just so much - gotta get cracking, like a.. cracker? Well, if anyone's a cracker, it's me.

Had a date tonight with a really nice guy, but unfortunately I don't think he's my type. I hope the two of us stay friends. I wish I could catch a dating break. Not like a break from dating, but catch a break. Like.. yeah, you get it.

My room is disgusting. How does this always happen? Do I wake up in the middle of the night and run around, throwing things in the air? I really think I do. I need straps to strap myself to the bed, but then if I'm strapping myself to the bed, I can unstrap myself, and that won't work. It's also a little kinky-like for my taste.

I wonder how many times I have mentioned on this blog that my room is a disaster? It seems to be a recurring theme.

I had a dream last night that one of my ex's died. It was one of those dreams where you wake up crying, only I woke up after having been crying, so that's fun. More of the dream was that I vomited in his coffin and then tried to hide the vomit from the people at the funeral, who quickly became the secret service. It was definitely one of those dreams that make me not want to sleep tonight, for fear that it will come back again.

I'm getting so good at ping pong! ...there's nothing more to this point. It's just exciting.

NaNoWriMo kinda died. My whole region, including me, have kind of given up. It really is insane if you're to think about it. Attempting to write 50,000 words in a month is just literary suicide. I want to stay involved to meet other young writers, but at the same time, I know I will never be able to accomplish the entire point of doing it.

There's this gigantic, five story room in the Memorial library called "The Stacks". It's all cubicles and tables and it's absolutely silent. I was there the other day, just sitting down to work on a couple things. I unzipped my bag to get out my books, and a girl sitting fifteen feet away glared at me. "Your bag's zipper should make less noise." She didn't actually say that, but I know she thought it! Then, while I was reading, I did a big unexpected sneeze, "Ah-CHOO!", with the "choo" being very high pitched as I do. I couldn't help it, but it happened, so whatever. This security guard (yes, they have security guards) was nearby and turned to me and said "SHH!" as if I'm some trouble-maker for sneezing. I should have started sneezing and coughing. What's she going to do - kick me out for bodily functions? I think not.

Do sneezes and coughs count as bodily functions? It almost grosses me out to think of a cough as a bodily function. *shrug*

I've been thinking of doing an updated Top 100 Songs. I had been working on it this past year, but I left it on my old compy. I know if I did, it would be completely revamped, and would probably have a new number one! *gasp* I know! It's gaspable!

I'm getting some marks back and all my english ones have been A's, so I'm finally getting my mom's support to go into something that's not me dropping out of school. She really didn't have much confidence in me, but it's starting to shift, so that's a nice feeling.

Seriously, I must get up in the middle of the night, twirl around with my legs kicking, and then go back to sleep, in order for my room to look like this.

Well, it's time for bed. Even though I'm already in bed, but it's time for my brain to realize I'm in bed so he can shut down for the night. Sandman, you're on the night shift.

Yeah I dunno. Night!

--Jam-a-bye-baby

11.14.2006

The Death of the Open Mind

Caution! Upcoming rant on: Closed-Mindedness

I'm so exhausted and disgusted with this "new" discrimination against free speech and free opinion. It seems that in my everyday life, I get annoyed with this at least once a week, but surely more. Whenever someone is critical or has an opinion, people have this "holier-than-thou" attitude, as though they know all and that person knows nothing. They use their opinions in order to crush those of others and I truly believe it is without keeping an open mind or evaluating the claim at all. It's happened all over in many instances, so let's use a couple examples, shall we?

The Spelling Nazi
First, I'll use the example that was on Liz's blog some time ago. Liz was making a valid point using her opinion about the fact that when people debate, their vocabularies suddenly grow in order to win the debate, and that it is unnecessary and can be frustrating (which I agree with). This woman posts on her blog saying spelling matters and all this rubbish about how Liz was spelling words incorrectly and it is just so tiring. Why would this woman say these things? What does she get out of putting another person down, on the way they spell no less? She attacked Liz's opinion.

The Offended
Next is one of my experiences. As most of you know, I'm helping develop the new flash game Psychopath 2 on K2XL. On the forums for this game, different players are writing opinions and getting feedback on whether it should be implemented into the game. While I have already had negative experiences there, I continue to return in order to give input that I feel is respected by most. One member posted a couple ideas which I thought were not good for the game, so I said so, in a nice and constructive manner. He "rebutted" (whoever rebuts to an opinion on a forum is beyond me) with the fact that my opinions were wrong and that I misunderstood his idea, which I did slightly, but not enough to change my opinion. He continued to say that I may not understand what he's typing or the vocabulary he's using (the word "plausible"), that I have "irked" him, and then wrote as if using hand-gestures so that I would understand that he was angry.

Ya know what? If you can't handle criticism on your ideas in a place where it is not only tolerated but desires, don't put them up there in the first place. If you're going to blatantly offend someone because that person is trying to help the community, you are the problem. This is my point, though, that people are just like this now, especially online. The internet gives us this barrier that protects us from having to take any sort of responsibility for our actions. He/she can say these things to me, be a total ass, and get away with it, because no one will ever come to his door, no one will be able to look him in the eye and say "You're a big jerk and should be ashamed."

The Country
On a larger scale, let's take a more publicized display of this problem, shall we? The Dixie Chicks, as most of you should know, apologized in 2004 for the president being from their home-state of Texas. They were highly criticized by Republicans for being anti-American and now receive death threats and lower record sales. In a democratic society, they are unable to voice their opinions about their president. Obviously this is completely ridiculous. Of course, I'm not from the U.S.A. so I can't say first-hand, but I know here in Canada if someone badmouths the Prime Minister, no one cares. I'm not saying no one should care, as that is the other extreme, but why can't we take an opinion for what it is worth? The Dixie Chicks should be able to say what they want about any individual in government if they believe that person is not doing a satisfactory job. It is their governing body after all.

What has happened to opinion and free speech? Are we so consumed with right and wrong, this liberal policy that everything is wrong until proven correct? It disgusts me and makes me so worried for my future and my children's future. We do not live in Orwell's 1984, we live in a democratic society that we value, or should value, greatly. In a time when we see our Western cultures as advanced and progressive, are we actually anything but regressive? Free thought, free speech, all that seems unimportant, even though it is those same values that are allowing people to attack and offend others everyday.

Where did niceness go? Why can't we see others' opinions for what they are? Why do we have to freak out everytime someone disagrees with our opinion?

Short answer: we don't. I'm pleading to all of you, no matter where you are, whether you read this often or you have no idea who I am or what a Jam is, to be open-minded and kind. If we don't, I'm truly concerned with our mental well-being twenty years from now, especially since it seems plausible that I'll have went absolutely nuts.

--Jam

*I know this rant was kind of unorganized, but I'm just so freaking angry that I'll have to come back and fix 'er up. Sorry!*

Music of the Week

Instead of just telling you what songs to listen to, since I know you're all lazy bums with big lazy bums who won't get your lazy bums off your you get the picture, I'll give them right to you! Just click play! It's amazing! Technology! Music! Wee! Sing! La! !!

Faster Kill Pussycat by Paul Oakenfeld feat. Brittany Murphy


Seventeen by Ladytron


Chelsea by Stefy


Did you notice the first one is Brittany Murphy? Like, the actress, not the tyrant from Guadeslavia.

Yeah, that's not a country.

--Jam

11.11.2006

In The Tower

First of all, it's Remembrance Day, so make sure you're grateful for your Viva Puffs and Cheezits you're stuffing in your face. I mean, if you are. If not, don't worry 'bout it.



So I saw the film Babel last night and all I can say is wow. Well, I guess I can say a little more, considering this is a written blog.

The concept of the film was based around the old tale of the Tower of Babel where man built a tower to the heavens, but because of doing this instead of worshipping God, the people were punished by having their language confused and being dispersed across the globe. (God's an angry fellow.) It follows the lives of four groups of individuals who are all connected but all go through their own trials during the same period of time.

It is so intense and shows a concept that is ever-so-rarely touched upon, and is, in short, a cinematic masterpiece. I really think everyone should see this film - It reminds me why I want to get into film at some point in my life.

Um, so go see it. I'll stop writing so you can go see it.

Run along now.

--Jam

11.08.2006

No Faith

Hey ya'll.

So I saw a video recently of the Country Music Awards where Carrie Underwood won female vocalist of the year (yeah! love her). Anyways, here's the video.

If you'll notice, nominee Faith Hill freaks out. It looks like she yells "What?" and walks away.

On Faith's website, this statement was made:

"The idea that I would act disrespectful towards a fellow musician is unimaginable to me. For this to become a focus of attention given the talent gathered is utterly ridiculous. Carrie is a talented and deserving Female Vocalist of the Year."

Now, I don't know about you, but that looked very real. I don't believe, from my viewing of "The Stepford Wives", that Faith is a very talented actress, especially in a situation like that. I think she is now regretting having freaked out, but come on, take responsibility for your actions! You were horribly rude towards another artist! I normally enjoy her, but I truly believe she did something wrong and is now not taking the proper actions to correct it.

That's my li'l opinion on that.

--Jam

11.07.2006

Beyond the Silver Moon

Big news!

*drumroll*

I applied for Deal or No Deal! Yaaaay! It's coming to Canada and who knows, maybe I'll make it on and win a million dollars? Omigosh, can you imagine?

Anyways, it's actually not "big news" yet because I haven't even gotten an audition yet, but here's hoping!

So, for this blog I get all my comments sent to my email inbox so I can see what people commented and know when to respond. The downside is that I don't know which post it came from, and since my blog has near 500 posts, I sometimes can't find it. This morning someone commented:

"Hi Jam.

Are you a gay person? From your story I presume you are."

LOL - Kinda random, who knows what story you're talking about, but yeah, I think that's a pretty easy assumption to make.

EGG NOG IS OUT! Weeeee! Aren't you excited? The goodness of egg and.. nog! Nog nog nog! Mmmm *drinks eight cartons*

Well, off to start me day! Buh-bye!

--Strawberry Jam-Jams

11.06.2006

Ghoster Coaster

HI!

So I haven't done a li'l post doey in five days. Five whole days! It's like.. a travesty! An injustice to the world and everyone in it!

Well, unfortunately I don't have much to report, officer. I did eight gallons of homework this weekend at my aunt's place. Read an entire novel, wrote 1.5 essays, and worked on my very slow novel. Not that my novel is slow reading, but it's really slow on the uptake.. of.. writing it. Something.

I don't want to go to class today. Only a month until winter break! We get like a whole month off or some crazy shee-at here, so I'm retardedly excited about that. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for a whole month, but I'm sure I'll find something. Maybe write or conquer the world. Ya know, whatever.

So I said I was going to start doing video blogs, but yeah, that never happened. I still want to, but my roommates are so technologically disadvanced (is that a word?) that they would be like, "What is that freak doing talking to his wall. What a freak. Freaky freakerman," and I totally don't want to deal with that. So, sometime when they're out of the house, I'll be like "BWA HA" and I'll do it. I can't turn on my webcam without making that noise, you see. It's a rule. A law. Duh.

I got my first A! and my first C I'm so excited! yeah not so excited about the other one It was for a presentation worth thirty percent of my mark, so it's like SNAP! Or.. something! Boorah, right Jamie Foxx? Right. philosophy essay worth 15.. prof sucks.. material sucks.. booourns YAY!

Does anyone else find when they wake up.. or are doing much of anything, you can bend your neck back and it cracks a whole bunch? If not, then.. oh. Mine seems to do it a lot - it's really kinda gross - and I don't seem to remember it doing that this much before. Oh growing old! It's as much fun as a rollercoaster ride, only way more scary! Ooooh, here comes disease and senility! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ew, it's -1 today. Minus one. Negato uno. I think that's just wrong. It's November, shouldn't it be hot? ..shouldn't it? Yes. Yes it should. I'm not crazy. You are. Crazy. You.

Crazy!

--Jam

PS: Wow, I made a long-ish post out of nothing! Oooh, rambling! Weeeeeeeee!

11.01.2006

Rev

Well look at that! It's you! Whatrya doin? ..reading my blog, eh? That's the best pastime you have! Keep 'er up! ..what's that? Oh, yes, pastimes are girls now.

Anywho, enough of that. Nanowrimo started today so I frantically wrote a bunch of stuff down. I only did about 650 words, so I have more to go tonight, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I've been getting great compliments from all my friends who say that writing is the way to go for me and it's really comforting. I've always said I was good at many things instead of great at one thing, but maybe I'm great at this.

I slept in today - set my alarm for 7pm instead of 7am (I'm special like that). I'm tired of not using my time wisely. From now on, I'm going to really try to be efficient and effective all of the time. I'm setting myself to busy on MSN, and inane chatter's going out the window, at least until I can learn how to not just chat to pass time. Chatting to pass time as a pastime is not good.

Well, I'm gonna go pump out some more words and get some shuteye. Sorry for the uninteresting post - I'll do something more riveting later. Later as in.. yeah, dunno.

--Jam

PS: Sorry there aren't any pictures from Hallowe'en. I'll see if I can find some, because I gotsta show off how supa-fly I looked. SUPA-FLY!