Repetition

1. Sent an email to a guy I've liked for a while (lame I know, but whatever). He finally writes back, just wants to be friends because he's got stuff to work out. Of course he does. Why wouldn't he? I mean, I seem to be a great guy, which mostly everyone can agree on, who is doomed to have a bazillion friends, and be alone for eternity, so this makes perfect sense.

In his response he even seemed to say that I'm a great guy and that he really does like me (or something along those lines) but he's got other stuff to deal with first. My brain feels like it wants to jump out of my body, along with my heart and soul, and go jump into a hedge maze full of mines where it is less dangerous and confusing.

2. Now I'm awake thinking, probably not going to sleep tonight even though last night I spent all that time trying to change my sleep schedule. Yay for everything.

3. So what do I do now? I mean, there goes my prospect. I've been single for who knows how long besides a brief period in October. I get all these people saying that single people should be happy single, and if they're looking for someone, they're not doing it right, because you should be happy being an individual. Well, ya know what? I'm incredibly happy as an individual, and I'm also incredibly jealous of people in relationships. I get to deal with not having a family and not being able to get a boyfriend? What short f*cking straw did I pick?

I'm so frustrated right now that I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll probably go play a video game and work out for a couple hours so I can finally fall asleep and forget that I can't catch a break.

--Bitchy Jam

PS - Don't bother thinking or saying that I'm complaining and I should suck it up. I've "sucked it up" (haha sounds perverted) for a long time and I deserve to complain. If my whining bothers you, don't read it.