The Sad State

Hey ya'll.

So, as you know, or should know by now if you pay any attention, I'm addicted to YouTube. I have some blogs that I adore watching and hearing from, and it's just an entertaining pastime rather than numbing my mind with television and its commercials.

Recently, there was a very popular video-blogger on YouTube, LonelyGirl15. A sixteen year old girl, homeschooled, who posted about life and her friend and her parents and stuff like that. It was thoroughly interesting and compelling, but it all changed a week-or-so ago. There had been accusations that she was actually an actress, and that the entire series of videos was a gigantic hoax put on by a film company. It was revealed about a week ago that this was, in fact, true, but they didn't mean to cause any harm. In my opinion, I really don't care, but I won't watch her videos anymore because I go on YouTube to see real people in their lives, not something fake. If I wanted something manufactured, I'd watch the TV that I'm so strongly trying to avoid.

Anyways, my favourite YouTuber, LUCYinLA (I featured a couple of her videos a while back), is now starting to feel this, even though she really hasn't done anything to deserve it. She portrays herself as a struggling actress in Los Angeles, and that's who she is. Her name was shown to not be Lucy, but in fact Laura, but who cares? LUCYinLA is her screenname so that snoopy people, like those who decided to out her real name, wouldn't, like, stalk and rape her! They have went so far as to put her resume online, to say horrible things about her family, who appeared in one installment, and it's all just so disguting.

What is wrong with people today? Are we so far "cultured" that we think we can say whatever we want and accuse people of anything, no matter how vulgar and awful? This woman was producing entertaining videos that a large number of people truly enjoyed (she was one of the highest subscribed people on YouTube), and now she posted a video where she is almost in tears, she's so confused, and she will most likely (in my opinion) not continue making episodes.

I just have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that aches, not only for Lucy, but for society as a whole. I could never imagine being so heartless that I called someone names and ousted her identity and background just becase I could. It's filthy and worse than almost anything I can imagine, because it shows to me, oh-so-brightly, the steady decline of civilized manner in society. I see it everyday, but when it is shown in this light, to simply hurt and shatter a person, it makes me wonder what it is all for.

--Jam

Smile, Jerkbag!

Hey peeeeeps!

So I was reading my own blog recently (I'm a big egotistical maniac.. sue me.) and I realized I sound like such a downer recently! Somebody slap me!

Kay but really, don't slap me. I'm fragile.

Things are going a lot better recently. I'm still feeling a little alone here, but things are picking up, and I'm going out with some gay boiz this weeekend. (They are boiz, you see, because they are gay. ..or something.)

Ashley blew the tap off the shower a couple hours ago, so that's fun. I think she actually managed to fix it on her own. She went out and bought a piece that had broken on ours, and yeah, fixed it. On one hand, I felt like I should have fixed it because I'm a man, but on the other hand, I ain't touchin' no dirty faucet hole. I play the gay card, lol.

Today in sociology class, my professor told me Feminism is gender equality for both genders, not male opression or female domination. Right. Now pull my other leg. We get to do two "thought papers" (peace and love, man) in this course on whatever material we want, so one will be on how I hate feminism and will soon go insane. Soon, implying I haven't already. So there!

I'm actually catching up on readings. I never thought the day would come, but I'm almost finished my first novel that needs to be done for Tuesday, and I should be done the other by Monday. Boo. Yah?

I bought new boots! Hello? Student loan centre? You're a bunch of suckers. Love Jam.

The above started off as a pretend phone call, but then since I, like, signed my name, it was a letter. I made a phonetter. I'm great like that.

Well, that's all folks!

--Jam

PS: I hate Porky Pig.

Listen to: Mama's Room by Under the Influence of Giants. Who names a band that? Like, seriously. But really seriously, it's an amazing song. Seriously.

My hero of the day: Ashley! She fixed a shower! Like, helloooooo!

EDIT: Another chat nut. In this conversation, this is exactly how it started. He just started in with that, and I was so confused that I basically kept making fun of him. Enjoy!

travis-: you bet,,bet you have a good drop
The_Bobbing_Cat: who in the what now
travis-: wink
The_Bobbing_Cat: I think there's something in
your eye
travis-: yeppers ....you
The_Bobbing_Cat: I'm in your eye? ..weird
travis-: MMMMMMMMMMMM
The_Bobbing_Cat: what are you humming
travis-: WINKS AT YOU
The_Bobbing_Cat: I thought it was a twitch
travis-: yea a big one,,you he he he
The_Bobbing_Cat: ..lol? I'm a big twitch? so
I'm a big twitch in your eye eh
travis-: yea you can say that..............
The_Bobbing_Cat: *whew* good thing, cause
I think I just did
travis-: WooW you did!!!!!!!!!!1

After this, I just gave up. It's tiring talking to weird people.

The Almond of Chat

Well, yet another "special" person decided to go head-to-head with me in a chat room tonight. The past ones I've posted were private chats, but this one was right in the main room, so there is also a third person involved. Weeee, aren't you excited? It's not as good as those ones I posted before, but it's still a great example of online ignorance. Yippee!

Things to know:

Craig Sharpe was a very recent Canadian Idol contestant. He placed 2nd and was from Newfoundland, so everyone around here is swooning over him.

Here is my previous chat nutjobs. Enjoy!

Legend
The_Bobbing_Cat = yours sexily
binewfie17 = some moron
diskobit = some guy

Begin!

binewfie17: i want craig sharpes e-mail address
binewfie17: lol
diskobit: .....ew
binewfie17: whyy ew? hes hot!
diskobit: ...ew, no way
binewfie17: yes way
The_Bobbing_Cat: he's like 16 isn't he..
diskobit: hence: ew
The_Bobbing_Cat: exactly
binewfie17: im only 18!
hmbdy: morning
The_Bobbing_Cat: when I was 18, I would never have dated a 16 year old
lol
binewfie17: whats the diff. of a 20 yr old datin a 18 yr old?
The_Bobbing_Cat: lol.. in the teenage years, a guy matures so much, you
have no idea lol I would never date anyone younger than
20
binewfie17: well dats ur own choice... i wouldnt date alot of the
older guys either.. and that includes u mister
The_Bobbing_Cat: lol yes it's my choice, but I just said I wouldn't date a
teenager, so why would you even say that you wouldn't
date an older guy which includes me? should I feel hurt?
like I'm confused..
binewfie17: dont say that craig sharpe is ewww.. becuz u aint the
best either
diskobit: heartbroken
diskobit: ; - ;
The_Bobbing_Cat: lol you're ridiculous, I'm saying ew because he's 16
and the thought of him being hot is ew
The_Bobbing_Cat: his voice still needs to drop for pete's sake
diskobit: hahahahah
diskobit: I agree
binewfie17: soo.. but i can bet he'll be more of a man than what u'll
ever be
The_Bobbing_Cat: LOL I'm actually laughing.. what are you even talking
about?
The_Bobbing_Cat: Why are you defending someone you don't even know?
The_Bobbing_Cat: And yes, Craig Sharpe will be such a better man than
me because you think he's hot
binewfie17: becuz i hate it when ppl runs ppl down becuz they aint
the best lookin ppl they say even when they looks like a
dog themselves?
The_Bobbing_Cat: LOL I never said he wasn't attractive, I said he's young,
and therefore ew for me to even think of him in that way
diskobit: good lord
diskobit: the internet typing is getting to my brain
The_Bobbing_Cat: Like you don't even have a clue, you put down others in
order to defend a celebrity, if you can call him that
binewfie17: oh well now.. jus deal with it..
The_Bobbing_Cat: I'll try my best, but boy, Craig is such a man, it might be
hard to deal
diskobit: he's a boy
binewfie17: yeah well w.e now.. im done talkin to you..
The_Bobbing_Cat: okay bye!
diskobit: I like butter
The_Bobbing_Cat: I prefer margarine

We didn't talk about butter and margarine for very long.

The End!

--Jam

That and This

Some random things that have popped into my head, mostly when my mind wanders while I'm reading:

I decorated my room with a whole bunch of pictures and posters and such, but I still don't feel as at home as I have in the past. With time that will come, but time and I aren't on good terms recently.

I'm still very worried about my commitment to my work. One of my major problems, that I am just coming to realize, is that I am a very slow reader. I'm really going to have to put in a lot of time throughout the week to get everything done. I have this gnawing at the back of my brain that makes me think I'm already doomed, but I have to turn it around or I'll be a banker forever. Scary thought.

I think about him a lot; him being a variety of guys actually, but one or two in particular. I want him. I miss him. It doesn't cross my mind that often, but when it does, it hurts.

I'm really short. In Ontario, I didn't feel it very often. I think there's something that stunts our growth on the mainland, because out here, the men are all ginormous. Damn "fresh air".

My favourite pajamas have a huge hole in the crotch. Apparantly sitting like a squatting duck isn't a good thing. Who knew?

Life is just so funny. If someone had told me four years ago that that was the way those four years were going to go, I would have.. I don't even know. I would have changed something and made very different decisions.

"Around the World" by Daft Punk is amazing. I forgot it existed, and I forget how I was reintroduced to it, but now I'm starting to remember why I love techno so much.

I have this dream of a loft. Brick walls, bright colours.. it looks amazing in my mind. Just gotta get there.

NaNoWriMo is starting again soon. If you true blog-fans remember, I attempted it last year with a blog and everything, but failed quite miserably. I will be trying again this year. Look out.. you!

The end. Bye.. you!

--Jam.. me!

Out of Focus

So I skipped class today. Three classes. I hardly slept at all last night, despite not getting much sleep the night before and going to bed last night at 9pm. By midnight I was awake, and for five hours did nothing but wish I was asleep and practically cry. When my alarm went off this morning, I just kinda said nope (it probably came out as a more groggy-sounding "nraagh"), and went back to sleep.

I'm very torn about how I feel about the place I'm living. I'm not talking about Newfoundland because frankly, anywhere can be fun, and I've just yet to make it completely so. I'm talking about the actual house. My roommates, as nice as they are for the most part, are very... something. I can't even put my finger on it. Sometimes they can be absolutely fabulous and I feel like I fit in completely. Other times, which compiles the majority of the times, I feel ostracized, like I'm back in first year and am the odd-man out. I am the odd-man out here, though, but I thought maybe I could try to fit in. They're just so much more.. something... than me. Like they clean Sunday mornings, a.k.a. Jam's hangover time, and expect me to clean the area of their choosing (the bathroom, of course) soon after, which I didn't do. Today, I had a shower, and beforehand I went to the bathroom, but I don't flush until I get out because that ruins the water pressure (Does anyone else do this? If not, I'm going to stop doing it, lol.). I forgot to flush when I got out (even though it was only #1 anyways), and when Ashley got home I heard her go into the bathroom and swear loudly to herself. I don't know if it was because of that or because there was water on the floor maybe? I dunno.

Aaanyways, the moral of my weird and quite personal bathroom story is that I feel like I can't stay focused for long enough to flush a toilet. I hate living in an environment where I don't feel at home because it's like an extra stress hanging on my shoulders that I first need to deal with before I can deal with anything and everything else. All I can keep thinking of is Summers and how amazing it was there and how I screwed it up by not focusing on school, but here I am again starting the same patterns. I really try to just sit down and do work, but my mind wanders, I think of other things, the stress or anything else, and I can't do it. I can't just sit down and concentrate. I'm going to try extremely hard this weekend to get a lot accomplished, but I'm really worried it's not going to work.

I don't want to let my family down, I don't want to let myself down, but what if this is something that's out of my hands? What if I don't have what it takes to just suck it up and get it done? What if I'm meant to just live a life of quiet droning? This kind of life bores me to tears and scares me to death, but I can't fix it.

If I'm so afraid of failure, why can't I get it together to fix it?

Anyways, I just hope it passes. Maybe I should see a doctor? Maybe it's chemical? I've always said that messing with brain chemicals isn't right, but if I'm going to fail in the first place, then what do I have to lose?

Kay, I'm gonna go read. That's it. The End.

..good lord my hands are small. How do I even type?

--Distraught Jam

Tools of the Trade

I find I'm getting extremely bored online recently. I used to be able to set up camp at my desk and chat for hours upon hours to people back in highschool, but as time has progressed, the internet has lost its allure. What was once an intricate world wide web now seems like a big pile of advertisements and wastes of time.

I can see how people get addicted to YouTube. I mean, did you watch those two videos of Lucy? (If you didn't, refer to the previous post, and try to stay with it next time.) It's so entertaining to hear about the lives of others, what they're going through, how you relate, and to comment and talk to these people about said problems. It's amazing! For me, it also fills that void of "what should I do online today?". The correct answer is eight gallons of readings, not involving the computer at all. The real answer is sift through random videos with Japanese commercials, trailers for upcoming indy films, and Joe Blow's day at work.

So this weekend I'm going to read a novel and about twelve readings. Good lord. School is insane! I mean, don't get me wrong, it's about eight billion times more interesting than working, but it's hard work; almost a different kind of hard work. It's definitely a much better, more ameliorative (hmm, remind you of an email address?) type of hard work than a full time job.

I've just been reading so much lately. What happens when my brain runs out of room? Can I put in more memory in my leg or something? The things they can do with technology! I really AM in the future!

Kay, I'm tangeanting. Bye!

--Jam

My Hetero Love

Okay, so if any of you don't already know, I'm completely addicted to YouTube. I've subscribed to channels, I watch videos, it's all so great.

The single greatest person I watch is LUCYinLA. Here are two of many of her hilarious stories of her wacky hijinks. Enjoy!






--Jam

PS: So I finally bought a microphone and I'm going to attempt to start doing video blogs very soon. I didn't think I'd be so intimidated to do them, but ohhhh, I'm gonna for some reason! Yeeeeehaw?

Two Morons

One

I went to a party with my roommates on Friday night and had an incredible time. I met lots of hilarious, fun, energetic people that night. One person I met was Deidre.

At first, she seemed like a very nice, normal person. We picked her up on the way and she just seemed calm and an overall genuine person. At the party, once a couple drinks were consumed, she began to "turn", as the phrase may be. She began to act very rudely towards myself and others around her, and, possibly beyond her knowledge, was ostracized by much of the party, or so is my belief.

As the night drew to a close, Deidre was talking to a guy and I thought nothing of it. She then began to scream at him for hitting her (which I didn't see, even though I was five feet away) and bashed him in the face. Hard. My fists clenched, but luckily I wasn't drunk enough to hit her back for him. She kept screeching at him for hitting her in the head or whatever he did, while he looked stunned and confused. She went on and on about this and that, but really, he had hit her (if he did), far softer than she did him.

So, why was this woman able to hit this man in the face? Because a man can't hit a woman, even if he didn't in the first place. I have never wanted to hit someone as much as I wanted to hit her... ever.

***

Two

I've been chatting to an older guy online, Dean, for near two months now. He lives in St. John's and, to the best of my knowledge, was a nice and normal person. We were chatting last night and I said I was going to go to have a shower and curl up and read Ann Coulter. He quickly remarked that she is a horrible person and that I should return her book, to which I responded that I really don't take her opinions seriously and that I just find her hilariously entertaining because she is so crazy.

This seemed to just make him crazier.

He proceeded to tell me that she hates fags (so wonderful of him to use that term as well.. Ann would be proud) and that because of the opinions she puts onto society, gay men and boys commit suicide everyday. Since I really don't think that Ann Coulter is making gay people commit suicide, I just responded, in a very nice manner, that I was going to go have a shower and that I'd talk to him tomorrow, and then he blocked me. He blocked me. He blocked me! I like an author, not even an author's opinions but her insanity and writing style, and he blocked me for it.

***

Yeah.

--Jam

PS: Why is no one but Liz blogging? How am I supposed to feed an addiction to blogging with no new entries? Sheesh.

All

So it's close to 11pm and really, I could go to bed. I went to an incredible party last night with m incredible roommates, but I feel so far from incredible today. No, I'm not hungover. I just feel.. strange.

I chatted to some people from back home today, some that I probably shouldn't be talking to in the first place. It was great hearing from people, seeing that the world does go on without me there to pull it with me, but it's also really sad. The world continuing without my presence is a completely obvious, but horribly disturbing truth. If I were to disappear, to die even, the world would keep turning, spinning on an irreversable axis. Of course, I don't want the world to stop for me, but maybe I want it to slow down and recognize my existence.

I'm used to what I know. I love experiencing new things, new people, but this time is seems different. My roommates, for example, are great people, but the two of them know each other, have known each other for many years. They have a past, they have their very distinct accents, they have inside jokes, they have each other. As much as I enjoy them, I will never be to them what they are to one another, and it's sad. I'm not saying that after knowing them for five days that I should be extremely important in their lives, but I'm saying that it's hard being the new guy, who walks into a life-in-progress.

I doubt very much that the people I've befriended thus far will end up being my close friends. I just remember the last time I went into the newness, went I went to Brock, I met Heather and Athena and Craig and they were people who I connected with, who I respected and admired. I meet the people here and I don't feel the same way. I suppose after a week of Brock, I hadn't really met anyone to be quite honest, but it just seems so foreign.

I miss Heidi, Athena, Nat, and Heather, and the real bonds that I made while living at Summers Drive. I miss highschool and knowing that my friends there had my best interests at heart and would have been there for me no matter what. I miss that I don't have that with them anymore. I miss Mike and Leon, who both have moved on since I lived there.. who both moved on while I lived there.

I miss knowing that something great was left.

It probably all doesn't make sense. My mind just feels jumbled and broken. I'm feeling sorry for myself and it will pass. It's just.. don't you think this kind of stuff too?

Is this all there is?

--Jam

New Found Land

Well howdy peeps!

So it's been a little while since I posted, mainly because, well, I moved two thousand miles away to Newfoundland. It's a weird little island province to the far east of all the other provinces, kinda shaped like... well I don't know what's it shaped like.

Sept. 1
I had all my stuff packed up and ready to go. Left for the airport around 1pm. Visited Nana on the way up and tried to tell her how non-miserable her life actually is. Got to the airport and started freaking out. Mom laughed. We wandered around, she ate some food while I nearly barfed. I went through the gate and beeped a bunch, as always, so they scanned me up and down and made me take off my shoes. Mom waved at the gate and made me cry to an anonymous girl who I later found out was going to Calgary. I waited for my plane for a long time, or so it seemed. Boarded, sat down next to a cute couple. Oh look, they have a baby. Excuse me, I have to go jump out the hatch. Plane starts, baby screams, Jam moans. Flight was about four hours, with a stop in central Nfld, and consisted of reading Ann Coulter, thinking of ways to throw the baby down the aisle like a football (go long!), drinking a lot of vodka, and finally landing.

Sept. 2
My aunt Leigh picked me up from the airport around midnight. Stayed up and talked for a bit. Watched The Sentinel and afterwards, regretted watching it. Also regretted that it was ever made. Slept for six hours. Shopped for six hours. Got the key for my new place and moved some stuff in. Called and met Garrett for the first time and went to a big party at his new place. Drank X number of drinks and mingled with many many people, including many many cute men. Jam likes. Went to the gay club with some people and danced for a while before walking a long way back to Garrett's. Sleep ten hours.

Sept. 3
Wake up (duh). Drive back to Leigh's. Shop three hours. Move in completely to my new place. Garrett came over and watched Saved! (hahaha, "Are you down with G-O-D?"). Sleep a million hours.

Sept. 4
Garrett toured me around St. John's. Saw Signal Hill and the view from it (very wicked). Wandered around campus and became trapped in a building. Both of us went to Leigh's for dinner. Went to Middle Cove "Beach" (a bunch of rocks leading into the water) and walked around for a while. Came home and met the roomies. Watched Canadian Idol. Sleep eightish hours.

Sept. 5
Went to parts of orientation. Signed up for the English Society (wtf is that anyways), and got info on MUNSU (hee hee, I miss BUSU). Found all my classes. Went shopping. Bought a present for one of Summers' Crew (shhh, it's a secret), and bought me a PS2 (shhh, its a secret too.. to my mom). Came home and hung around the roomies. Fall asleep very late due to Ann Coulter. Set alarm wrong.

Sept. 6
Wake up an hour early due to setting the alarm wrong. Yippee skippee!

So that's about it. There's been some real highs, but it's starting to come down now that I realize that I miss some people. By the end of the week, I should be fine. Well, it's about the time that I should have gotten up in the first place, so I think I'll jump in the shower before the roomies wake up. Have a nice mornin', sunshine ;)

--Jammer

Soon to come: Video blogs (aaaaah!)

Be Patient

I'm alive. It's coming.

--Newfie Jam