Late Goodbye

Hi everybody!

So I just received my goodbye videos that Leanne compiled! For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll explain, because I know your little brains are like "Ah, I'm confused! Help! I'm a brain!"

At my going away party in August, before I moved to the rock, Leanne got all my friends to record a short clip saying goodbye and stuff, and then she put them all in a file and sent it to me! Yay!

Anywho, it's like the saddest thing ever and part of me is glad I received them late because they're SO SAD. It's such a nice thing to have videos of all my friends and to know they're with me no matter what I do, though. I'm gonna say something to each of you because I feel like I should thank you guys since you did this for me:

Athena: You're in the next room trying to get out of bed. Get up! I don't know what I'd do without you, and yes, I'm sure that record button pushed itself, just like the computer unplugged itself. That's as real as how you used to be able to play DDR really well and not feel hot and cold. Yep. I'm so happy we've stayed so close and I'm excited beyond belief for you to move here, so hurry up and do that.

Cam: I know you don't read my blog, but I'm gonna post about you anyway! So there! You're such a genuinely nice person it hurts my brain. I wish I could have gotten to know you so much more, but I'm sure I will be crashing at your place in Toronto very soon. Oh, wait, did I say that out loud?

Jen: JEN! You can't do a video like that! It like made me cry-almost, and that's almost crying! I wish you all the best and I hope that you never short-change yourself. You can do anything you put your mind to, and are one of the most talented people I have ever known. You have an inate beauty that you should embrace, so yeah, do that. Love you too!

Kevin: Oh Kevin, what to say about you? You may be the only person more opinionated than me, and by that, I am humbled, lol. I'm so excited for you guys moving to Calgary and I will definitely come visit very soon!

Lindsay: "I just recorded a second video. Why did I record a second video?" LOL! I love you so much! I've known you for, like, a million years, and I'm so happy that we grew together. We have so many memories that it is far too difficult to put them all here, but I miss you every day of my life! I'm so happy you didn't cry in your video because I was practically bawling watching it as it is! I hope you figure out whatever it is you want to do - I know you will excel in anything you do. Love ya, Linsermadoodle!

Natalie: Oh my JESUS! Yours is the only one that made me cry! It was so sad! I'm so happy I had the chance to live with you and be close to you because you have truly enriched my life. I feel like a more positive, ambitious person for having known you, and I miss you ALL the time! Someday we will be close-by again and we'll have crazy fun NatJam time! *muah*

Romeo: Meow! My big boy, I miss you. You can't read because you're a cat so I'm not going to write much, lol.

Sarah: Hahahaha, you did like a hundred videos! Well, by a hundred I mean three. I'm so happy I got to meet you and live near you. You were by far my best friend this past year and I couldn't have made it through without you. I'm happy to hear you're getting all better, and even though you didn't come out to Embassy, you're still my party girl and we will go out again! Keep being you and the world will open up for you! Love ya!

Shannon: Ah, Shannon. You make me smile! I wish we had more time to get to know one another, but from what I know, you're a happy, positive person, and I'm glad to have known you. I love that you always make time for your friends and family, and I feel like a more selfless person for having befriended you. Miss ya!

Steve: (I never noticed you had huge fangs until I watched that video.) I miss you so much! You are definitely the most caring person, like, on the planet, and I'm so happy that we've stayed friends all this time! It's been over three years! Holy cow! I will definitely come visit you in Calgary very soon, and I wish you all the best!

Tara and Mike: Why did you goobers do the video together? Well, my highschool peeps, I'm never gonna lose touch with you guys because you are my rock! Hahaha, why do people say that? What a silly saying. Anyway, Tara, keep being crazy (like that'll be hard) and Mike, keep being way too smart for your own good! I miss you both, and I'll have to visit you guys next time I come back because I haven't seen you in so long!

Vince: Good lord you're hot. I mean.. I miss you! I've known you the least amount of time, but I love your personality and I think you and I would have gotten along so well. Hurry up and move to Toronto and I will be there in half-a-second. Stay buzzed - it's pretty.

Leanne: Well what can I say? I knew the videos were coming (eventually) but I am still floored that you thought of such a touching and amazing goodbye. You are an amazing person - I want you to remember to follow your dream, because life is what we make of it. Your support kept me going this past year and I truly miss you. Good luck on your own in the future, and I will keep coming down to visit! Love you!

*whew* Well, for those of you who didn't do a video because, for some reason, you weren't at my going away party, you all rock too! I'm so happy to have such a large family of friends - I couldn't be who I am without you guys!

--Jam the "socialite"

The World is Full of Things

Hey everyone! I hope you're all enjoying the nog, the mistletoe, the snow (in most places), the Christmas alcohol, and all the rest of the fun things that come around this time of year! Big recap of my fun vaca coming up, so I'll break it down into some main points for ya. Enjoy!

There's All The People!
I got back on Monday and went up to Waterloo that night to visit Lindsay and my favourite manny couple, Steve and Kevin. It was so nice to see some of my friends again and relax like old times. Back to Brantford on Wednesday and had sleepy times at the mall with Athena. Thursday to Sunday I was in Hamilton which went so quickly, but it was so awesome to see everyone. Was drunk basically every night there, so I'm a little parched now. It's all worth it.

Saturday Night (and I like the way you move)
Saturday night (duh), Leanne and I hosted a party at her place. I invited all my people, from highschool until now, and had a decent turnout. I realized that I had left a bunch of mickeys at the house, so I had a mini-bar away from home (how Jamesque of me) to drink up. We made a huge dinner (as in Leanne did and I was the bumbling sidekick) and it was probably the best turkey I have ever ingested. The ingestion was so amazing. It was like perfect ingestion.

Afterwards, we all drank our faces off and tried to wake up after the amazing ingestion of the turkey. Natalie and Leon showed up late, but somehow managed to drink unbelievable amounts and become the drunk ones that night. (Lindsay and I are very proud of you guys!) After the party we went to the good ol' reliable Embassy and danced up a big ol' gay storm. Natalie and I ran around and saw every inch of that place, including a staircase where the lights turn off randomly (and we scream very loudly), and a door that may or may not lead to a bathhouse (and a description to Natalie of what a bathhouse is). I have to make it very clear that Natalie was extremely drunk (basically because she said "you don't have to post that on your blog"), but was amazing and I miss her already!

Family Matters
I visited my Nana in the hospital because she fell and broke her hip and her arm. She's a big clutz. The first thing I said was "what the heck are you doing in here" and it made her happy. I think she was really happy to see me because her and I see eye-to-eye on most things, and it was nice to see her too. I rode around in her wheelchair a bit. It was surprisingly fun!

Christmas Day I surprised my awful family in the morning and spent the whole day with them. I even went to church with them. Have you been to church in a while? If you haven't, you should go and tell me if you think it's creepy. I kind of think it is. I have no problem with religion and all that, but they were talking in unison, reading the bulletin and spewing monotone phrases after the minister. It was disturbing. Afterwards, the entire congregation came to talk to me and find out who I was, how they could convert me, and why I'm a heathen. I said "oh my god" at one point, and said "Oh my god, I'm going to hell!" and then realized I said it again. This went on for about 45 seconds during a hymn I wasn't singing. Good times. After church I went to my aunt's and surprised some more family, which is always fun.

On a side note, it was determined that my step-mom is a crazy nut. Josh, my younger brother, has a girlfriend of about a week, and he (for whatever reason) told his mom. The first thing she asked was her religion. When answered by "catholic", she responded with "Won't that be difficult when you have kids?" Ya. This is what I deal with. I yelled at her quite a lot. "I wasn't trying to lecture him." I don't care. You're dumb and intrusive and judgemental and disgusting. The end. ..lol. Then she asked me if I would tell her that kind of stuff and I said "Um, no." She seemed upset. I am happy.

Rolling Around
I'm now back after the fastest nine days of my life in Newfoundland with Athena. We've been relaxing and shopping and stuff. Nothing very stressful or remotely stressful because, hello, I just dealt with the fam. We've been addicted to this game Athena got me for Christmas called Katamari. You roll stuff up. That's the game. It's so addictive and I don't think I'll ever stop playing. It hurts my brain. I even dream about it. Go look it up. Go now!

--Jam the bumbling sidekick

Oh yeah! Wait, don't leave yet! WAIT NO! NOOOOOO!

..anywho, I told Josh I'm gay. He said he already knew because he saw my guy picture on my wall once, lol. Observant little boy! Well, he's taller than me, so not really little. Whatever. Anyway, yay for a teeny bit of fam knowing. Yeeeehaw!

Play Trump

A little post from me, as I sit here ready to nap before my party. Ontario's going very well and very fast, but alas, that's not what my post is about.

Has anyone heard about this whole Donald Trump / Rosie O'Donnell feud? She made fun of him on her show, like she makes fun of everyone, and he rebutted and now apparantly he's suing her. It's all over tabloids and television and everything. Barbara Walters is being dragged into it, and it's getting so much media attention, bla bla bla..

Ya know what? Listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once:

SHUT UP. NO ONE CARES ABOUT EITHER OF YOU.

I feel better.

For the record, I think Rosie, although she needs to watch what she says, didn't do anything wrong. If Trump can't take criticism, he needs to not be a prominent public figure. This isn't the first time he has been teased in the media, yet I have not heard of other lawsuits. Also, if this is for some sort of defamation of character, he did the same thing back to her on television, calling her fat and an ugly person and all this.

Anywho, that's all I'm gonna say about it. I think it's dumb, and I also think it's sad that these two "figures" in the media are more in the news than real news. It's actually quite sad that our nation (along with many other developed nations) is so focused on celebrity status and their petty, ridiculous problems.

--Jam

The Nine Booked Days of Christmas

Well, only a day-and-a-half 'til I'm home the hollydays! I have my entire vaca booked solid!

Monday
Arrive at the Toronto airport at 9. Back to Brantford by 11. Visit Nana at 12. Visit random Brantfordites from 1-7-ish. Go to Kitchener-Waterloo at 9. Watch movies and drink random alcohol with Lindsay from 10-morning.

Tuesday
Wake up at 10-ish. Do fake model shoot with Lindsay at 11. Dinner and drinks with Steve and KW boiz from 3-morning.

Wednesday
Arrive in Brantford at 11. Go to PJ (my old highschool) at 12 with Athena. Trek to my old work and drop off Christmas cards at 2. Random crazy stuff with Athena from 3-9. Sleep 15 hours.

Thursday
Visit Nana at 12-ish. Go to Hamilton at 4-ish. Dinner and drinks with Sarah (for her BIRTHDAY! Weeee!) from 5-morning.

Friday
Wake up early (groan). Go visit my bank peeps from 10-1. Visit Roberta and Andrew *insert unknown time here*. Martinis with the Shads from 9-morning.

Saturday
Find something to bring to the potluck dinner in the afternoon. Potluck dinner at 8. Party from 10-morning with the world's best people. My people.

Sunday
Get annoyed with Leon for waking up early to go to church at 9. Go back to Brantford at 10. Family dinner (hungover) from 3-8. Watch Christmas movies or play Zelda 9-12.

Monday
Wake up very early. Open presents (OH BOY! *dies*) at 8. Go to the other fam (bla) at 9. Drink two bottles of wine to avoid manslaughter charges during "family day". Home at 10. Sleep a million.

Tuesday
Visit Nana at 12. Visit random Brantfordite from 2-8. Relax from 8-morning.

Wednesday
Pack up stuff. Leave for Newfoundland with Athena at 7! Weeeee!

I won't be blogging while I'm in Ontariland because I will not have the net, but ya'll better have a great hollyday, y'hear? Drink lots of nog, eat that fruitcake because, as much as people want you to believe it's disgusting, it's amazing. Really. Think of me on Monday night, Tuesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and Monday day, because all of those times I will be partially or fully drunk. Oh, the holidays. Oh, the reason I must start working out like a crazy monkey when I get back.

Ta!

--Christmas Jam (mm, that sounds yummy)

The Pile

Hey ho! Yeah, that's right. I called you a ho! Ho ho ho! Happy Hollydays!

Anyway, I'm procrastinating. Tomorrow is my final exam *thank Jebus* and I don't want to study. Studying was never my forté. I find I don't really know how to study, and I feel like anything I didn't pick up in class or in the readings shouldn't be "memorized" because that's unnatural. I'm not actually learning it if I memorize it, as it will be gone in weeks. Days if I'm lucky. Alas, I must, for the exam gods demand it of me. Damn you, exam gods! Especially you, Shortanswerus! I hate you! Essayes and Multiplechoica hate you too. We all do. It's a big exam god conspiracy! ..with cake!

My other three classes have, so far, turned out super-fantastically! I had Ecology which didn't have an exam (therefore the best course ever) and got a 76! It was my first third-year course ever and I kicked its bum. Take that, course bum! *kick* See? Kicking. I get my marks for the other three back in January-or-so, so I'll letchya know what happens. I'm hoping for two A's and two B's, but who knows.

That was a question. I'd like to know who knows that so I can go find him. ..well?

Hah, I kid, I kid. ...

I kind of like a boy. We met not long ago, seemed to get along really well, but I really have no idea how he feels about me. I guess I'm not "supposed" to know how he feels, but I really don't and it is murdering me a million. To be quite honest, I've been single for so long that I wouldn't feel upset if he didn't like me. I mean, I haven't been on a guy that I've been ga-ga (Who the fark made up this saying? You become a retarded baby when you like someone? Dumb saying-people.) over for an extremely long time. I almost forget what it feels like, with the whole butterflies and excitement and all that. Oh well - I'll buy a cat. Eventually.

I trek back home to Ontario for Christmas on the 18th and I can't wait. Like, seriously, I can't. I'm making a time machine to get rid of the waiting. Well, by time machine, I mean martini, and by the waiting, I mean consciousness. Anywho, I'm gonna see all my peeps, have a par-tay, visiting the fam, all that cool cat stuff. One big thing I might do is come out to my brother. *gasp* I think I just swallowed my tongue thinking about it. I mean, I haven't came out to anyone in my family, even though I suspect a bunch of them know but are in extreme familyish denial. My brother is in his first year of university and I don't talk to him much, but we get along so well. I think he'd hardly react - maybe like an "oh." and then move on. I just want to tell someone in my family, and there's no time like the present. I figure if I tell him this Christmas, by next Christmas everyone will know, either by it slipping out or by me having the confidence to tell more people. I figure since I'm ridiculously single now, by the time I do find a guy, my family will be prepared. Hopefully. Oh, and hopefully my parents' heads don't explode twenty times when they do find out. That would be ever so messy.

I want my mom to call so that I can tell her my amazing marks! It's really cool actually - she went from "You're dumb. Just get a job." to "Wow, you're actually smart again." I enjoy that. Not so much the "again" bit, but I'll take what I can get.

Well, I should probably go study something. Less than 24 hours of the semester left! *dies of excitement*

Kidding! Still alive! Bye!

--Jam

So Many Jams

JAMES
There are 4,991,477 people in the U.S. with the first name James.
Statistically the 1st most popular first name.
99.7 percent of people with the first name James are male.
Names similar to James:
o Jamey
o Jamie
o Jim
o Jimmie
o Jimmy

McDONALD
There are 224,976 people in the U.S. with the last name McDonald.
Statistically the 116th most popular last name. (tied with 6 other last names)

JAMES McDONALD
There are 3,744 people in the U.S. named James McDonald.

Wow, it's the most popular name? Yaaay, I'm popular!

How many of you?

--Jam, no. 1/4991477

The Iceburg Crasheth

So, I want to make something clear and point out something that is bothering me more than probably anything has in the last six months.

Since I have decided to come back to school, I have received nothing but grief from very close friends and family, as well as many other individuals. Even though I know I am here for good reason, even though I am doing ridiculously well compared to my past post-secondary experiences, I continue to have relentless and horrible criticism regarding my choice. Here is why:

My name is Jam and I am an english literature / philosophy double-major.

Yes, I understand there are hardly any jobs that can come from this bachelor degree directly. I know that. You don't need to tell me. You also don't need to make cracks about my degree, about my choices. Some things said have been jokes, some have been criticisms, but all are hurtful and unnecessary. By "kidding", you are judging my intelligence and my ability to make a rational, informed choice. I am doing this degree because I excel at both subjects, I find great interest in both, and I truly believe that this is what I am supposed to be doing in order to succeed.

If you have a problem with my choice, keep it the fuck* to yourself. If you joke to me, if you say something about another person's degree that happens to be the same as mine, if you do anything that criticizes my degree, I find it hurtful. I want it to stop, immediately. I can't listen to you say something about my choice as if I'm some mentally retarded, unintelligent, irrational individual, without thinking less of you. I can't. I would never think or voice that about another individual if they were doing what they believed to be in their best interest. Ever.

This is not aimed at anyone in particular, but rather at everyone. Everyone should know that these jokes and critiques are disgusting.

I don't want to hear apologies. I don't want to listen to excuses or some sort of ridiculous defense. I just want it to never, ever enter my ear again.

Ellen Degeneres, in her HBO special "Here and Now" had a joke about how people do not know how to kid. "Well then you don't know how to kid properly," she said, "'cause we should both be laughing." Please try to remember that.

--Jam

*I don't swear in my everyday life unless I become very upset. This is one of the worst "acceptable" opinions post-secondary society has, in my opinion, therefore I'm pretty gosh-darn upset.

Sing, Sing a Song, Song a Sing

Listening: Beautiful by Ferry Corsten

***

What is...

...your theme song? At the moment, as Julia has noted, "Faster Kill Pussycat" by Paul Oakenfeld and Brittany Murphy

...your favorite song? I'm redoing my Top 100 Songs at the moment so I don't want to give this away. Check back in January for that ;)

...your favorite artist? Ratatat.

...the song you've liked the longest? Tonight, Tonight by The Smashing Pumpkins

...your most played song? Well, I don't know how Julia "checked" this. Probably "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap.

...your favorite album? "Hot Fuss" by The Killers

...your most memorable album and why? Jennifer Paige's self-titled album. My grandma got it for me for my birthday when I was sick. I knew she knew nothing about music and didn't want to go into Sunrise at all, but she somehow found out I loved that song "Crush" and bought it for me. I miss her a lot.

***

What do you listen to...

...in the morning? I never listen to music in the morning. I'm always either in a rush to get somewhere or I'm asleep.

...during the day? Usually something upbeat..?

...in the evening? On a happy day, dance music. On a sad day, slower music, like Frou Frou or Secret Garden.

...during the night? Electronica and Dance, baby.

...with friends? Well, I don't normally get to choose the type of music. Anything, I guess?

...when you're sad? Secret Garden is always good for a mopey day.

...when you're happy? Dance or motivational music.. something that makes me feel sexay.

...when you feel weird? The themes to the Mega Mans, FF3, or Survivor. Good times.

***

Which song...

...always makes you happy? "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk.

...always makes you sad? "Goodbye" by The Spice Girls.

...reminds you of something happy (and what is it)? "Love is a Dancefloor" reminds me of the amazing time I spent at Summers. I used to blare it and sing in Natalie's room while she tried to study. Ah, really good times.

...reminds you of something sad (and what is it)? "Hallelujah" by Imogen Heap reminds me of Marissa dying on the OC. Who thought to kill her off? Boneheads. Saddest scene ever.

...reminds you of being home? "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by JET. I used to drive around with Lindsay and sing this crazy loud. Oh yes, I am that cool.

...reminds you of being somewhere else? Both "I Try" by Macy Gray and "Move Your Body" by Eiffel 65 both remind me of my trip to France. Crazy Jaime Steedman sang Macy exaaactly like her on the planeride up and wouldn't stop. I think I lost an organ laughing so hard at her.

...reminds you of your friends? "From Paris to Berlin" by Infernal reminds me of a whole bunch of my friends for different reasons. Natalie and Heather for having one of them request it on a night out when they didn't know what the heck it was, and Leanne and Lisa for playing it in their living room like a million times over.

...reminds you of your family? "Steal My Sunshine" by Len reminds me of my mom. It was on MuchMusic one day and she walks in and says "Ooh, this is a fun song!" I was mortified.

...gives you shivers? "I've Seen It All" by Bjork. Intense farking song.

...makes you cry? "May It Be" by Enya.

...makes you smile? "Oh My Gosh" by Basement Jaxx. Forget about the sugar and have a spoonful of me, 'cause I taste so sweet!

...is your newest obsession? "Loud Electronic Ferocious" by Ferry Corsten, along with that entire album.

***

Pick five friends and list the song you associate with them.

Leanne: "Ramalama Bang Bang" by Roison Murphy.

Heidi: "Hana" by Kokia, and "Inner Universe" by.. somebody.

Craig: "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane.

Mike Wong: "Roses are Red" by Aqua.

Loretta: "Shake Your Ass" by.. whoever that's by.

***

What is your song for...

...winter? "Last Christmas" by Savage Garden.

...summer? "Love (Trippin')" by Gabrielle.

...fall? "Tsugaru" by RevenG vs. DE-SIRE.

...spring? "Good Luck" by Basement Jaxx.

***

Pick ten songs and what they mean to you.

I danced dramatically and sang to it in my room for much of my childhood:
"Kiss From a Rose" by Seal.

Lindsay and I have coined it "our song", even though due to my gayness, we'll never be the real couple that our parents all so wish we would be (lol):
"If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield.

I tried it to tell to Athena, but she already had it on her playlist anyway:
"At Last" by Etta James.

I was getting sick and was extremely drunk after Athena's party one night and MPhil let me listen to this on loop over and over and over to fall asleep:
"Desert Rose" by Sting.

On Fridays, they used to play music on the caf. These two songs remind me of when good music was still popular, as they used to play them all the time:
"Blue" by Eiffel 65, "One More Time" by Daft Punk.

I was going to make music videos of these songs - the first with my roomies at Summers, the second with friends and teachers from highschool - but neither happened:
"Rapture" by Iio, "Perfect Day" by Hoku.

It always reminds me that I can do anything:
"Atlantis" by Jam

It always reminds me that there is so much more I could accomplish:
"Exotic Ethnic" by RevenG

The beginnings of a gay man:
"Can't Get You Outta My Head" by Kylie Minogue, "Feels So Good" by Sonique

It reminds me of all the great memories I had lounging around in Tara's pool or my basement or the mall or anywhere during my early teenage years:
"Take a Picture" by Filter

--Musical Jam

*Update next time, I swear. Boy I like, exam greatness, barfing roommates - all of it!

Jamphabet

A is for age: Twenty-two, baby!
B is for booze: Tequila makes me feel-a so fine.
C is for Career: I'm a STUD(ent). I used to be a BANK(er).
D is for dad's name: Paul.
E is for Essential items to bring to a party: Um.. also tequila?
F is for Favorite song at the moment: Loud Electronic Ferocious by Ferry Corsten. (You can listen to it on my Myspace!)
G is for Girl friends: I have SO many.. I'd say 95% of my friends are hawt gurls.
H is for Hometown: Brantford. It smells.
I is for Instruments you play: Piano, and the instrument of the MIND! ..yeah, I don't know.
J is for Juicy Gossip: Britney was out with Paris and Lindsay and wasn't wearing any undies. Oh, sorry, that's not juicy - that's NASTY!
K is for Kraft Dinner: Middle-income family, therefore I grew up in this crap.
L is for Love: I love myself and my kitty and my friends and the sun and my family and Barbados and candy and Christmas and broccoli.
M is for Mom's name: Pauline. Yes, I'm aware it's extremely similar to my dad's name. I understand it's very weird and could be the source to all my mental problems. Shh.
N is for being Notty: Do you mean "naughty", Mr. Quiz? If you do, I'm not. I'm an innocent li'l boy.
O is for Overnight hospital stays: Yeah, I've had a couple of those. Wee?
P is for phobia(s): Spiders, jumping into water, heights.
Q is for Quotes you like: "To settle is to fail."
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: Well, friendship would be Lindsay - 17 years - holy cow! Longest relationship would be.. um.. maybe the one I had in my mind with Leon, or possibly MPhil.
S is for Siblings: Josh, 18 - Brittany, 16 - Jacob, 7
T is for Time you wake up: Different every day.. but normally around 8.
U is for Unique trait: Hmmm.. I have a freakishly huge smile, I can turn my tongue 180 degrees, AND I have freckles. Unbelievable!
V is for Vegetable you love: Cauliflower is tasty.
W is for Worst trait: Self-involved.
X is for X-rays: I broke my arm once, so I've had that done. Oh, and the man with the drill too.
Y is for yummy food you make: I made an eggnog cheesecake once - Mmm, mmm, good!
Z is for Zodiac sign: I'm a scale, baby.

--Jam

Some Things

Well, time for random bitching. Weeee!

The Library Experience

I went to the library on Monday to print off an essay and photocopy two images to attach to it. The essay was due at 5pm and I arrive at the library around 2:30pm. I proceed to the "express" computers so I can just go into my hotmail, access my essay, print it off, and hand it in. No fuss, no muss.

I bring up my essay and because I use Microsoft Works instead of Microsoft Word, I have to go through my essay and reformat a little bit so that everything fits. After that, I hit print, and the computer tells me that there aren't any printers associated with/installed on this computer. Wait, what? These are community computers on a network. That does make sense. Try again, nothing. I ask the girl next to me if she's having problems and, sure enough, she is.

So I go up to the computer help counter and tell the guy that we're having trouble printing. He says he'll be right there. About twenty minutes later, after swapping computers, sighing ever-so-loudly, and wondering what the fark I'm going to do, some other techie sonders over and clicks a couple buttons and says "Wow, that's strange." No, really? After he says that about a dozen times and tells us to re-log in and maybe that will work (no, it won't, dumbass - how is logging into the computer going to magically install a printer?), I walk back over to the desk and ask for floppy disks so we can copy the files to disk and print them on a different network of computers. He says for us to try to log onto a different computer because he doesn't know if he has floppy disks (I found out later there's a big box of them..), so I go do that. Wow, it doesn't work. Go figure! D'oy!

Then he comes and finds me and two girls all frantically trying to print off a paper for five o'clock and tells us he'll just print them off at his main computer on a different printer. What the poop? Why didn't he do that in the first place and then play Mr. Fix-It on the computers? Anyway, I print it off, and by this time, it's 4:20-ish.

I hurry over to the photocopiers to scan the two images, stick 'em to a piece of paper, and hand in the essay. I get to the photocopiers and low-and-behold, they're new! Just installed yesterday! Well super! I stick my card in the reader to get my money, plop the book down, hit scan. Beep. Beep what? Scan. Beep. What the fark. "Adjust the direction handle so that something something I hate you, I'm evil something something." I lift up the lid, move the book, put down the lid, hit scan. Beep. Oh ma gawd. Scan. Beep. Beep beep. It spits out my card. Apparantly I'm wasting the photocopier's time or something. I go to the other batch of photocopiers, they're also new and stupid, they also beep at me. I beep back.

I go over to "Copy Services" and see a lady sitting behind her desk, behind the counter. In a lovely (sarcasm) voice, she says "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I can't get the photocopiers to work."
"I'm sorry. I'm closed." Well then why did you answer me, you crazy bitch!? "Go over to circulation." Fine.
I go over to circulation. "Oh, you have to go to copy services for tha-"
"NO, she sent me here."
"Oh, really? But I can see her there in her office. Here, let me ge-"
"NO. She sent me here. She's closed. Can you please help me? I'm in a hur-"
"But it's still one minute to five. She shouldn't be closed yet."
Well, guess what? SHE IS! Wait, one minute to five. Beep.
"Look, I'm having a horrible day in this library. Can someone please just help me?"
Enter the one person who actually was helpful on this day of days. She turns around to look at us all and says, "You sound like you've had a bad day. Let me find *dumb weasel man's name* for you."
"THANK you."

So, dumb weasel man walks over. In a very nasal weasely voice, he asks me what I'm having problems with and I tell him. He comes around, walks with me over to the photocopiers. All full. Other copiers. All full. "Well, here, I'll give you your book back and you come find me in a little while," and walks away. WHAT? Are you even serious?

By now, it's about 5:10 and I'm freaking out. I renew the stupid book and rush to my prof's office. Luckily he's still there and, after I ramble my stressful library hell story to him, he sympathizes and takes the essay and tells me to hand the attachments in when I have time.

...I hate the library.

The Bus and The Snow

St. John's recently was hit by about a foot of snow. I don't mind snow that much, as long as it doesn't get in my way. That is not possible in this city. Here, the plows don't know what they're doing. They drive around, plowing major streets into two lanes instead of four, and no one shovels sidewalks. No one.

So, in order to get to my bus, I now have to trek through the arctic tundra for a couple minutes, falling into knee-high foot prints that lead to the main road. Once there, I cross the icky slush and stand on the side of the road to get covered in the icky slush, but also to get dirty looks from cars who have to slow slightly so they don't plow me over.

Once I'm thoroughly covered in brown gunk, the bus arrives approximately ten minutes late and we all pile on. It smells like wet socks, but I guess that's because everyone's socks are wet. Go figure.

While on the bus, I notice there is a new bus pass that I will be forced to partake in next year. It is a magnetic card that you are supposed to just put in front of the scanner, it beeps and lights up green, you sit your ass down. Alas, it never works. It always buzzes angrily, no matter if you're a student or an old women who doesn't understand that this technology isn't from the devil. The bus drivers always let you stand there for four or five tries before they say "sit down". One girl got on and proceeded to scan the card. Buzz. She looks annoyed, but stares at the machine and tries again. Buzz. The bus driver, having dealt with the buzzing the entire ride to the school (probably the reason he was late) tells her to sit down. She doesn't hear him as her entire brain is focusing on somehow making this machine beep. She tries again. Buzz. "It's not working. Sit down please." Laser-eyes at the machine. Swipe. Buzz.

This is where, because I'm sitting at the front of the bus and have been on it for twenty minutes smelling feet and hearing buzz buzz buzz, I crack. "IT'S NOT WORKING!" She jumps, looks over at me, I give her that look like "You're a dumbass". She looks over at the bus driver, he nods and says "sit down." She hurries back and finds a seat while people around me move ever-so-slightly away. Try me. Watch me care.


I'm sure there's much more I could rant about, but I'm slushy and headachey. Beep.

--Jam

Listen to your Father

Hey peeps. Got a bunch of cute little cartoon shorts for you to watch. They made me laugh so much that I had to pee, so I did! Enjoy!







Ohhhh my!

"I thought it'd be fun.."
"GOODBYE!"

--Jam

Crazy Turkey

Lately, I've been in that haze. You know, the one where you aren't getting enough sleep and when you've been up for over twenty hours, you feel like you're floating and time is speeding up and slowing down. Yeah, that one.

Anyway, it had been a weird day yesterday to begin with. I had been up 'til 3am working on sociology papers, so all I could dream about was gay rights, racism, and stuff of that nature. When my alarm went off at 7am, I swear I thought it was Christmas day. I jumped up and kinda fell back down because I thought I was in a different house, obviously because it's Christmas, and I was so completely out of it for the entire morning through three classes.

I got home around 2pm and found that two people had added me to MSN, so that's fun. One of them was online and messaged me, "Hello." I said hi back, and asked where he got my MSN, to which he began rambling on in Turkish. Yes, the guy was from Turkey. So, I tried to get any english out of him, tried speaking french, nothing. He even turned on his cam for me, which was weird, but he was kinda hot, so whatever. Anywho, I found a translation program and tried to ask him again, but nothing. Then he started saying he loved me and all this! LOL! He called me a beautiful woman at one point, so I realized that oh, he thinks I'm my friend Lindsay who is in the picture with me. Not that it really matters much because it's a guy from Turkey, but anyway, I digress.

By this time, two other Turkish dudes have added me and started talking to me and I'm like what the fark is going on. I really felt like I was in some weird dream and Turkish men were stalking me or something. Anyway, I deleted them and blocked them and all that, but I wonder how my email got to Turkey in the first place?

And that, my friends, is when I fell asleep for a billion hours. Ta da?

--Jam