Project: Loveless, Part 2

So this is like a semi-continuation of Heidi's love woes, which you can read about on her blog.

I'm so sick of men. It's just.. GAH! I wish I had a car because I'd run them all over, or something less violent and messy.

Last night I started talking with this guy who seemed really nice, very attractive. We hit it off and decided that we'd probably go out tonight after he got home from work, around 10:30. I'm down with that. I mean, I haven't went on a date in months, so might as well. So I start to get really sleepy around 8pm, so I write him an email saying that I'm going to take a power nap, but I'll be up in time to go out, so that incase I sleep in, he can message me and wake me up and we can go. I'm being f*cking considerate. Anyways, it's now 12:11, he just came online, and I'm like "Hey.. work late?", and he says "yeah sorry" and goes offline! Ummm, hello? You stood me up, moron.

I'm just so sick of it! It's like a mental illness that people are just rude and don't care! Get with it! I think of the amazing guys I've dated and I feel all retarded for breaking up with them, or retarded for never having a meaningful relationship with any guy, etc etc. It's stupid to feel this way, triggered by some idiot who stood me up, but I do. It would just be so refreshing to meet a guy that lives near me, that has similar goals and ambitions, that is as into me as I am him. It would even be refreshing to just have a successful first date, or just meet a guy that is normal. LOL!

So now I'm talking to him (well, I'm kind of talking and he's giving short stupid answers) and he's completely uninterested. WTF? I waited for you until midnight and you have the nerve to act like that? Hello, operator? Can you get me 1-800-reality-check please?

Now I'm making jokes that don't even make sense! GRALGH!

--Jam

No Sun Day

Evenin ladeez.

So I only went out today to get groceries. Other than that, I just played Warcraft, slept, played with the cat, etc. It was a day to forget, lol.

I bought my new pants. Although they're extremely nice and only cost me $60 including hemming, I still don't want to wear them tomorrow. Hopefully my complaint continues to go through whatever channels it needs to and someone comes in to talk about it with me and my manager because, as said earlier, it's as dumb as spinoffs.

I keep having this semi-urge to write or do something productive, but then I open Word and just sit there because I have no motivation to write. It's really strange. I might make myself a deadline for a certain amount of words and try to do it so that I kick my own ass into doing it. My poor kickable ass.

Well, yeah. Nothing to post lol. My week of posts is over. Back to being a slacker :P

--Jam the professional slacker

Saturday Sleeps Without Me

4:57am. Ew. I went to bed around 10 because I was so beat, and now I'm up early. Stupid brain!

I'll tell you this dream I had that woke me up, but first you need a little bit of back-story for it all to make sense. Yesterday at the bank, this uber cute, uber nice guy came to my wicket and was just so great. I couldn't stop thinking about him, so I hope he comes back in. I looked for him online when I got home, but couldn't find him. Anyways, now for the dream.

It was like a nightmare/amazing dream lol. First off, it starts with this pounding noise coming from upstairs, like in my roommate's room. It "wakes" me up in the dream, and I listen to try to figure out what it is. Then the pounding gets closer and then I realize it's someone or something running through the house very fast. Then the pounding moves to my stairs and something runs down them like a crazy person and stands at the bottom, not moving. In the dark, I try to make out who it is, so I grab my glasses and realize it's this tall human-like figure with huge long arms, almost as long as his body. I freak out (obviously.. who's not going to freak out over a thumping monkey man?) and grab my tennis racquet (lol). It jumps over my couch at me and grabs me from behind. I struggle to get free, and then I realize that his huge arms aren't so huge anymore and that I don't want to struggle because the crazy alien thing has turned into the hot guy from work and he's kissing my neck! LOL! So add make out scene, and then I woke up.

I tried to get back to sleep, but from being so freaking scared of a monkey alien turning up at my door, or from being so flustered from that hot guy, or from the headache both have given me, I can't sleep. No wonder I have a headache though. My brain was probably like "Ah, scary! Ah, hot man! Wake up before I implode!".

Ow, my brain.

Well, maybe I'll go to the gym early today. I'll be one of those crazy gym bunnies that open the place. ...maybe not. :P

--Jamerino

Finally Friday

Howdy, dudies!

So it's finally Friday. My crazy week of posting every day is over! Boy oh boy this week was stressful. I think this weekend I'm going to just sink into a nice bottle of vodka lol!

Today I'm wearing sandals to work with my jeans because it's casual day, so I can just imagine they'll say something about those too. If they do, maybe I'll throw a rock at someone. Just a thought.. lol. People from work read my blog now too! Hi Rada! Hi Sherri! Yaaaaaaay!

On a completely different piece of bread, on another blog, someone commented to a post about single people being immature or not at the same social level as people in a couple, or something along those lines. I posted back, obviously, because I'm not gonna let that one slide. I'm so sick of people not giving me credit because I'm young or single or male or whatever. I know this wasn't directed at me in any way, but I'm single, so I have to defend myself. There are very immature 40-year olds with wives, and there are very mature single 20-year olds with cats. It comes down to the person, and I vow to try to never judge someone on their age, but on their more redeemable and actual qualities.

Ooh, I think today at work I get to sit around and do learning centres! That means, like, no work! Raaaadical.

Well monkey turds, I'm off. Hahaha, my mom used to say monkey turd.. I'm not really sure why, or why I said it. Anywho, bye!

--Jammypie

Listen to: Move in My Direction by Bananarama and Nightglow by The Benjamin Gate

And This Little Thursday Went Splat

Mornin' peeps.

So let's see what I have to talk about today. Excited? Can't wait? Well then I'll make you suffer no more!

First off, they're "reevaluating" the dress code at work. It started with some customer, whom they won't reveal, that complained about a female teller that was dressed too provacatively, or something along those lines. From that has stemmed arguments, stress, tension, and tears. I first heard about this from my supervisor when she said that I couldn't wear the pants I wear because they're "casual". Something to do with the style of pockets and the rivets I have on them.

Now, if any of you know me in person, or actually just know me period, you should know I'm a damn fine dresser. I have a great sense of style and I take pride in what I wear at all times. I bought the style of dress pant that I did, made by Point Zero, because they were different and more fit my style. Men's dress pants are normally very boring unless you buy them with a suit, then you have more swing. Anyways, they are dress pants, but I can't wear them. When I talked to my manager yesterday about it, she said, "Well I guess it comes down to 'do you really want to work here?'." Um, what? Is that a professional thing to say? Am I so expendable that my pants being changed are worth more than my efficient service to this company? Apparantly. I'll be applying to a part-time position in East Hamilton today to see if I can work there for the remaining two months. If I get the position, I'm going to make sure every person at my downtown branch knows why I left, and that I left standing up for something I believe in.

Other than that, I've just been going to the gym everyday with Roberta (my gym partner whom I've never mentioned, but now I am!). I feel a little tighter than I was, but my belly is still a big jiggly mess lol at least to me. Oh well, by the end of the summer at this rate, I should be a lot more drool-worthy. I've been writing a little bit due to some unexpected motivation, so that's a plus. I want to get into the habit of writing every night so I can get something finished and published before I finish university, so hopefully this keeps up. Been playing World of Warcraft lots. For anyone who plays, my main is a level 17 NE (night elf, yo) Priest on Chromaggus, and my alt (alternate, werd) is a level 10 Human Priest on Norgannon. I know, n00b levels, but I've only been playing for a couple weeks, gimme some slack. Geeeeez.

Well that's all. I might try my first Vlog (video blog) sometime soon as a trial run for the new blog in the fall. Yippee!

Well, time to put on my casual pants and go to work. I haven't bought new pants yet because I just got paid, so if they send me home, then I'll be back to post a more bitchy rant about management and burning down the place lol.

--Pyro Jam

Wed

Howdy folk.

So I was actually thinking of doing a post on marriage today and low-and-behold (weird saying), it's my Wednesday post, so it all fits in perfectly!

Liz has a new blog, if any of you fake people care to read it along with me. It's on her new married life, which I find fascinating. I think I could have been a sociologist or something because I love seeing the different ways different people act in situations, like newlywedness.

Anyways, I was saying to a friend of mine recently that I can't think of a couple (that I know in 'real' life) that I truly envy. Not one. There are some that I don't not envy, but there are none that I would want to be. I guess because I'm me, and I would want a life that is Jammish, but still, I find it odd. Also, when I say couple, I mean people my age, give or take 10 years. People my parents' age are too old to relate to (lol) and I don't really envy them either.

I wanna be that couple that has lots of friends and they call us up and want to be around us because we're the fun ones. I want to host parties and have Game Night or Martini Night with friends, just be a goofy couple. I mean, I have to find a husband first, but that's kind of my goal these days when it comes to my personal life.

On another note, I think I'm going to try very hard to save all my money incoming in the next two months because I really want to paint my room in St. John's when I get there. I do it to every room I move into, and I want to continue that. It makes me feel at home, and I really think I have a flair (flare?) for colour combos and design and all that jazz. See Liz, you can be single and still like design! It doesn't make me boring, and you're not boring for it either! LOL yay!

Well, time to work for the man. I'll have a post on the new dress code at work tomorrow. I just remembered about it, and it's a biggie, so stay tuned!

OR ELSE! Baaaahaha, just kidding.

Seriously, don't leave lol.

--Jam

Two's Day

*yawn*

I'm so sleepy. I hit my alarm for an hour and I'm still sleepy. Look, I just yawned again! I guess you couldn't see that.. slacker.

Anywho, here I am on Tuesday. What's up with everyone slackin' on their blogs besides me and Heidi? I'm trying to make it to 400 posts before I leave (for some reason). I had a dream that I found Liz's new blog address. It wasn't easy to find lol. I was like a sleuth and I was scanning texts in the library and these hitmen showed up, but I managed to rip out the paper and I got it! Take that Liz! LOL! ..seriously, you gotta give me your new addy. I have no life and I'm blog-addicted.

I wanna learn more HTML stuff this summer. I want to add a bunch of stuff to Jam's Blog, including phrases I say all the time randomly generated at the top of the screen, but I don't know how to do any of that. I also wanted to do volunteer at the GLBT centre at MUN, and they haven't updated their website in a long time, so maybe I'll see if I can take charge of that (lol I don't even know these people or that club or anything and I'm already making plans. Rock, rock on!).

I'm down to two twoonies to last me until Thursday lol thank Jebus have hamburgers and hot dogs so I don't starve. I doubt I could starve in this house though. Leanne always makes huge big salad things for whatever reason, and Romeo is like 25lbs, so we could always have Romeo steaks lol. I'm kidding >.>

I started using those little faces that hardcore internet people use, like:

<.<
^.^

It's weird. The second one is supposed to be happy, I think, or about to sneeze. It's okay, li'l guy, I'll get you a kleenex!

Ohhhh boy. Time for a nap in the shower.

--Wet Sleeping Jam

The Monday

Where the hell did my weekend go? Why does this happen every week? Blah.

I think The Monday is like a monster that creeps up through time and pounces on your weekend and ravages it apart so that you're forced to sit through another work-week. Oh The Monday, you're a mean one... like the Grinch.

Only nine weeks until I leave. I'm already talking to a couple newfie cuties, so that's a bonus.

Umm.. yeah not much else to report. I watched the entire second season of Lost over this weekend (yeah, omg I'm a freak!). One of my favouritest characters died and I actually cried. Ugh, stupid addictive show. She'll be in some more down the line though, because there are a bunch of loose ends that she's involved with, so yay for flashbacks.

Yep!

--Jam

Goodnight Barfy

Afternoon, you crazy crazies, you.

So it's been a long night/morning. Athena came down to spend the weekend just chillaxin' at ma crib. We ordered in food, played ITG, hung out at the park, and watched a bunch of the 2nd season of Lost. We finally decided to call it a night around 2am. Shortly after, she goes upstairs and gets sick. Thinking she just ate something that isn't sitting well, she goes back to bed. Shortly after that, she gets back up and vomits for the next two hours. Her mom eventually comes and gets her and they leave around 5am to go to the emergency room.

So yeah, fun! I stayed up and watched Lost until 9am, then fell asleep and had vivid dreams about being on a Lost/Survivor life thing which also took place at my highschool.

I'm tired. Goodnight barfy.

--Jam

The Pessimist and his Satisfactory Drear

CAUTION! Upcoming rant on: Pessimism

Through elementary school, all a child is ever told is that he/she can do anything.

"The world is your oyster" is the cheesy euphemism I actually heard when I was younger, more naive, and apparently, more competent. I was a straight 'A' student until grade 12, and even dropped a course in highschool because I was on the fast track to getting a B. The success fairy was on my side, working overtime. The thought never occurred to me that I wouldn't make it. I had been told so many times that I can do what I love, I can love what I do, and I will succeed as long as you try hard. This isn't true anymore. I am now, quite proudly, a university dropout. I still consider myself to be an outstanding human being, a moral and intelligent person, who can conquer anything and who still has much success in my future. My family and some friends, though, think otherwise. The fairy skipped town.

"Safe" is a word I hear often. Other than baseball and the vault at work, it is a troublesome word that haunts my ambitions and desires. It taunts me to no end, through the voices of so many others, to destroy any thoughts of success, money, and happiness. It tells me I should fall in line with the masses. I should take a job I dislike in order to live. Money is the supreme goal, not happiness. The idea behind the word is one that is common: "don't try because you will fail". If I don't try, and simply accept something I know I can do, then I won't have to experience the failure. Why would I want to experience the fall from the highest platform if I can stay sturdy on the lower one? Why try if I can not?

The answer: Life is not worth living without the risk of greater happiness.

I was told by my grandfather today, while I was having a fun chat with my young male banker about how boring banking actually is, that we "will both learn one day that every job is the same." My grandfather is a man who worked for his family at a carpet manufacturer for thirty or more years. He settled in order to fulfill his growing responsibilities. Instead of following a more perilous path, he took the path more secure. He, along with so many others, believes the first path is not worthwhile.

I, on the other hand, disagree. I will not fall into line with the pessimists and settle for what is not mine to have. I am meant, as I was told as a child, to succeed, as long as I have ambition, and I have every intention of never forgetting that. I will not settle to be a banker or anything else. I would rather fall from the highest tower then stand on the ground wondering what the sky had to show me. I would rather experience the failure than never have the opportunity to do so.

My fairy will come back. All I need to do is make her a home, and take the risk to do so.

--Jam

Nightmare Sentence

Howdy doody.

I was thinking this morning, as I woke up for my extremely long and early shift at the bank, that I don't even know if anyone is reading this here thing anymore. I have a compulsion where I have to check everyone's blogs everyday, I check K2XL everyday, and that's that. I just enjoy updating myself, so I run through them at least once a day. But it seems to me that some of my regulars who used to post don't do so anymore, so that is uber sad. Ah well.

Anywho, I'm still not "happy" about the people I associate with. I shouldn't have to block people when I move away. I shouldn't have to feel bad about doing so, because really, these people don't know they're being cruel and unusual. But I will. *shrug*

Today will prove to be a very long day. Many of my favourite people are taking today off (for whatever reason.. I didn't know June 14 was an anything.), so I will be stuck with the boring and annoying all day. It should be slow as well. I wish I could bring a book.

Just over two-and-a-half months left until I leave. I'm trying to spend it with people I know will be here when I get back, but sometimes it just doesn't work, so I spend it alone. I think my mom is getting really upset that I'm leaving. I guess I understand why, but we hardly see each other as it is. Families are strange that way. They want you around so that.. well, so that you're around, but then they don't take advantage of that fact unless you leave. I haven't heard from the McDonald's in a long time. I'm happy that they've finally accepted the fact that I'm not one of them, but sad that my brother and sister never call. When we're all adults it will be better, hopefully.

Looking around my room, I have so much stuff that I've collected over the past three years that I'm going to have to leave at home, or sell, or donate, or throw out. I think that's what upsets me the most about leaving is that I have to start over in terms of stuff. I can only take so much, so a lot of it will be living in a basement for a long, long time.

I think "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush is the saddest song I've ever heard. Is saddest a word? Most sad? Blah, whatever.

Actually, I think "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap is the sadderestiest. Yep.

--Jam

Make Nice

I'm so annoyed.

I can't shake this feeling I've had since the weekend that people are just fucks. I'd use a more polite word, but really, that's what they are. People just push my buttons because they can, they do things to me because they know they'll get away with it, and I'm just so tired of it.

Maybe I should put an end to it now. Block people, stop talking to... one sec phone.

And now it's two hours since I started this post and I'm tired. People suck is the moral of the story, incase you didn't know.

--Jam

In the Ditch

Hey hey.

So just a short post because I have to go to work soon.

Had a very rough and strange weekend. Visited some friends in KW for a night on Friday, and was supposed to go out with them and some others on Saturday, but like a lot of instances recently, I was ditched.

I'm pretty sick of it. I would never do to people what they do to me, and that just makes me extremely sad for, well, humanity. Am I living improperly? Do I have to lower myself in order to understand other people?

In any case, if you ditch me and you have a crappy-ass reason, you're in red and that's that. If you lie to me and I find out, you're in red and that's that. I'm tired of forgiving people.

I leave in two months. I don't need to deal with this shit. I've met some amazing people in my lifetime whom I know would not do the things others do to me, so why put up with the scum when I can get the gold?

--Jam

Edit: I saw "The Constant Gardener" on the weekend and it was TERRIBLE. Do NOT under any circumstances rent it. You'll not only regret it, but you'll also want to run into something pointy.

Cat Toy

The cutest thing I ever did see. Click the video on that page to watch the greatest kitty ever.

I'll be in KW for some of this weekend. Talk amongst yourselves while I'm gone.

--Jam

Gays Go By

Well, at first I was going to call this "Days Go By", like the Dirty Vegas song, but I typoed, embraced the typo, and that's how we got where we are today.

The end.

Wait.. got confused. Hi!

So I stayed home today. Being a big lazy ass lately. I'm just so exhausted, not sure if it's physical or what, but man, I hope it goes away soon. I think it's "I'm ready to leave so why bother with the now" disease lol. Summer is my favourite time of the year, but this summer will prove to be quite horrible I think. Too much anticipation, too little friends to share the sun with around here.

ANYWAYS, about the link I gave you last time to that guy's blog, he did a video post today and I like almost started crying! I can't stand seeing people get emotional, omigosh. It was about AIDS and man oh man. He's so funny though cause he jumps back and forth from dirty to serious lol I love it, so I'm putting him in my links to the left. That's the last you'll hear about it I think, because seriously, who talks about another blog on a blog? Seriously.

I got rid of the mound of laundry today. My cat was kinda PO'd, but whatever, he's a cat. He'll forget about that once I rub his tummy or blink or something.

My hair's getting so long already. Not sure if I like this whole buzzing my head thing. It grows out so fast that I'll have to get it done like every three weeks. Maybe I should buy my own buzzy dealy. I'm worried I'll buzz off an ear, or miss the left side of my head, or something along those horrific lines.

I'm gonna start deleting some people off my MSN later today or tomorrow. I think it's time I said goodbye to some people who really haven't been that great to me. I hold onto things for too long, and it's time to knock that shiznat off. There, I just deleted eight people lol. That was fun! Kinda refreshing!

Anywho, I don't even know what I was specifically going to post about, but I guess it was nothing. If it was something, it turned into nothing. If I think of something, I'll post something later and get rid of the nothing.

--Jam

PS: Paris Hilton released her new single and it licks serious bawls. Why didn't she release that song "Screwed" that leaked out like a year ago? Huh? Huh? Ugh.

The Damns

So, hey!

Haven't had a really meaningful post in a while. Yeah, yeah, shut up. (lol) Just kidding, don't leave. I need a fan base to keep this ego, even if it is made up of like a dozen of you.

So, the damns eh. Lots of things to say damn about recently:

Damn, I'm messed up. Something inside me isn't right, and I gotta go see a doc or something to figure out what it is.. or something. Like I feel kinda sick, very tired. Called in sick to work today, and definitely ain't goin' in tomorrow. I think I'm just really worried and anxious about, well, life. I just look around and I only see two ends of the spectrum. I see people I envy, and I see people I vom at. The vom covered ones definitely out-weigh the envy-worthy, but we'll get to them on another damn. I'm just so worried I won't make it, or I have no talent, or that I will make it and be shown that I have no talent. Sommmmething like that, I don't even know. My brain runs so much that I feel like I need a stand by button so I can sleep. Whatever.. maybe it'll just pass. All I know is I can't wait to get to Newfoundland.

Damn, my room is such a crazy-ass mess! Where did all this laundry come from? I didn't even know I had all these clothes! And there's a big three-hole punch sitting under a shirt in the mound of smelly clothes. Seriously, wtf. My cat is gonna get a serious talking to.

Damn, I've been reading a smutty blog! LOL! This guy, who refers to himself as "geekslut" is SO dirty, but he's absolutely hilarious about it. He plays WoW (World of Warcraft, moron), and he has crazy sex with men like every day! I read his blog a while back, and then he stopped writing, but now he's back. I think if I wasn't gay, I would find what he writes a little too vulgar, but since a LOT of gay people in clubs and chat rooms are perverted and overtly sexual, I just find it funny. I've been desensitized! Save the children! ..If you really want to, and I mean you have to be brave and not stone me to death for introducing you to smut, then you can click here to visit it. I know some of you are conservative, so don't click the link if you are. I don't wanna be responsible for angry letters from your parents. His video blogs aren't very smutty at all, so maybe just watch those and don't hurt me. I think he's kinda cute actually! But whatever.. moving along.

Damn, room's still messy.

Damn, here's the damn about people I'm sick of. There are some people that will be blocked from my MSN when I leave. Without warning. I'm so sick and tired of some people who refuse to not be boring and/or dumb! What is with people? It's just so.. ARGH! Like, now I know why people, like me, move away. It's to restart and get away from the people who rut themselves into a rut-crazy rutlife! I'm not being dragged down by these people. I'd rather confess my sexual exploits on my blog, and we all know how awkward I get when saying the word.. sex. *shivers* But seriously, everyone get a life. Especially you, in the back.

Damn, I started playing WoW (still World or Warcraft, incase you forgot already) again. I had moved on to.. well.. nothing. I just figure I have not much else to do this summer besides work out, come home, and play a game. I'm getting SO tired of the morons at K2XL (see sidebar). They're all whiney little children *literally* who put down each other and whine about their problems with their parents and then put down the advice the older and more mature people give them that they asked for, and so on, and so on, and less sanity, and more rage, and less time, and more AHHHH! *ahem* Anywho, I'm on WoW now, gonna join some guilds, make a character that actually gets higher than my highest previously (like 22 or something.. lol pathetic, I'm aware. But then again, you probably didn't know one way or the other, so forget I said pathetic, and pretend I said adonis.).

Damn, my hands look like manhands finally. Well, kind of. I mean, I'm still tiny, but they look older to me. I guess they would be older than since the last time I looked at them, since time normally progresses forward, like in this rambling rant, but I mean, I just never thought I would age. I mean, I knew I would age, but didn't. Le bla.

Damn, I say "I mean" waaaaay too much. I mean, obviously.

Damn, I keep seeing things that aren't there! LOL Okay, I'm not nuts, I think just extremely exhausted. I'm not sleepy, just exhausted. Creepy damn things that aren't there. DAMN!

Damn, I'd love to do video blogs once I leave. That way you guys could see and hear me as a NEWF! Omigosh, totally gonna do that, however it's done. Maybe I should start a new blog? I'm not even cdntennispro anymore anyways. *ponders*

Damn, I think Howie Mandel is kinda hot. Someone PLEASE agree with me, or I'll have to seek mental help.

And on that note, it's time for this cat to fly. Remember boys and girls, don't drink and read this. ..Just kidding.. drink and do everything, especially while operating heavy machinery.

--Jamn... daaaaaamn! (that's like damn you look hawt, obviously)

Jam's Apple

Hey peeps.

I know I haven't been posting lately. I've been busy and haven't had that much important stuff to report to ya'll, so I figured I'd just not post and have a muffin.

Things that have happened, in a very short li'l list form thing:

-Went to Anime North. Saw many hot men. Made people believe that our group was dressed as a new anime. Now have the desire to make it into a Manga.. working on that.

-Went to Hess Village last night for Nat's bday thing. Had a great time dancing on a speaker on a riser. Barfed lots today. My Adam's Apple hurts a lot.

(What is an Adam's Apple anyways? Like what does it do?)

-Working at two branches: King & Sherman in the morning, Downtown in the afternoon. Makes Jam sleepery.

-My room's a mess. What's new lol.

Yeah, see? Nothing much. I'll try to post some crazy amusing story for you-all this week so you don't die of boredom. The things I do for you people.

--Jammery