Rib Zombie

Christians believe that a cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple of discernment from a magical tree.

I love it.

Taken from The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

--Jam

Birthday, Birthday, What a Turkey

Well, guess what?

We have another birthday.

*shock*

I know you're shocked. So am I. Especially since I wrote it with asterisks, which is also shocking.

If you can take more shock, read on.

It's Athena's 21st Birthday!

Woooooooooaaaaaah! Old old old! Baaaahahaha!

Anyway, make sure you give her birthday wishes, even if it's only right now, saying aloud "you deserve a li'l green balloon". That would suffice.

Have a good one Athener! We'll celebrate like it is 2004 when I come home for Christmas. Kay? Kay.

--Jam says you deserve a balloon too

Turkey, Turkey, Birthday Turkey

So, since so many of you asked me questions in my first installment of Ask Jam, this is only directed to Liz, who is the only person who loves me. Well, besides myself.

*ba dum ching*

"What did you do that was oh-so-fun on your birthday, Jam?"
Well, Liz, I had a fantabulous time!

First of all, I had about ten of my (new-ish) friends over to my lovely abode, where I received martini glasses, beautiful golden clocks, and lots o' booze. We danced around to amazing music (since it was my party and I got to choose the music, as opposed to going to other people's parties and being all shunny towards the bad music) and took dozens of model pictures (which I will upload one of when I get them). We then proceeded downtown, looking stylish (of course), and danced with about one thousand drunken sluts and mansluts.

"And then, Jam the Jammy Man, what did you do for Turkey Day?"
Well, nondescript person, I ate a whole bunch of turkey. My aunt and uncle made a feast (including a turkey that could have taken me out before his basting days) which was to die for. Well, I didn't die, but it was still good. I then got Trivial Pursuit 80's edition, proceeded to beat them (with the winning question being "Who sang I Want Your Sex?" It was fate.), and then went home, leaving my cell phone at their house.

I get it back tonight!

And that's the story of my fantastic weekend.

To conclude my fantastic weekend, I got two tests back today. An A- on one, and an A+ on the other.

I deserve something expensive.

--Jam is off to the mall

Birthday Grade

And now, ladies and gentlemen. Making his eighty-second return from a blog hiatus...

Jam!

I know, I know.
"You disappeared for a month, Jam!"
"What was I supposed to do, Jam?"
"I threw myself off a building, Jam!"

I get it. Truth be told, I've had no energy to blog, and really, not much to blog about. Haven't seen any really bad movies, haven't done anything remotely interesting, and not much has happened in class or at work that requires documenting on the ol' blogeroo.

So, today, on my birthday of all days, I'm going to start an Ask Jam... thing. Comment and ask me a question, any question, about me, and I'll be happy to answer it in the following post. If you don't want to ask me in the comments, feel free to email me at amelioratio@hotmail.com.

Now, I'd say I'll do an update soon, but it's my birthday and I'm exhausted right now, so I'm planning on sleeping and drinking (and eating turkey) for the next four days. Sit tight - I should be back.

Loves ya!
--Jam