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Happy January 30th, you crazy Canadians!

So on my way to post a blog on my wonderful site about cats, flats, or whatever it is I write about, the blog news struck me. Not literally struck me, as I would sue, but struck my attention.

The Blog News, as I like to call it, has the latest in what's happening with blogs, bloggers, or bloggees, right before you post on your blog. (let's see how many more times I can say blog) Blog blog blog blog blig blog blog. (hahaha, ya I'm not funny.. what's a blig?) Blogspot.com is having their fourth annual "Bloggies" awards, which give small money prizes or gift certificates to the winning blogs. The categories range from most humourous to best photo site, and everything in between. Although it is an interesting concept, it seems silly to reward people for a personal hobby. They're getting rewarded by having their thoughts read by others, by being able to vent and get feedback. It is silly. Silly and ridiculous. And I am so jealous that I wasn't nominated, I could barf. (I know you love that word, Nat.)

I think it's ironic that I started working on my HTML not 12 hours before I discovered the bloggies. Improvement of Jam's Blog is in the works, and by this time next year, I'll be holding a big, wonderful Bloggy.

--Blogger Jam

Here's some blogs I found in the process of voting:

The Narrative (photos)
Hot-Toddy's Toaster Oven (personal)
Dooce (personal)
He Looks Like (personal/photo?)

HTML: Not Just For Geeks.

Hey peeps!

So I've been fooling around with the HTML coding stuff of my blog and it's coming along. I put in links to the left, and am currently working out the glitch of a dot under "Ryan", even though my blog isn't picking it up, other people are.. *sigh*. Switch to Firefox or Mozilla PLEASE.. we live in an enlightened era lol.

Anywho, I'm working on different background ideas, and I should have a completely different layout by mid-February!

--Jam

PS - I realize that you may think I'm a geek, and therefore HTML is just for geeks. However, I'm not. So you're mean.

Another World

So I fell asleep reading, only to wake up at 5am. Good job team.

Anyways, I've been listening to a song non-stop for the past couple days: the newest track from Sonique - Another World. Best song I've heard in a while, you should be sure to download it, or ask me and I'll send it to you.

Go here to watch the crazy video, from which the two stills are from.

--Sonic Jam

I'm worth millions!

So thanks to Amy for showing me a site that gives you a value for.. you!

Although, while Amy was worth a piddly $1,600,370.00, I am worth $2,223,610.00! LIKE WHOA! I'm not really sure why, but damn, I'm a gold mine! I would buy everyone cheesecake if I had that money. Cause, like, who doesn't like cheesecake? But I guess if I had that money, I'd be dead, and couldn't actually have it. Weird.

Go check it out for yourself here. Once you've done it, post on my site how much you're worth so I can compare! RAAAADICAL!

--Moneybags Jam

Dream of a Red Giant

Bonjourno!

So I didn't really have a dream about a Red Giant. Let's break it down, shall we? Yes, we shall.

Dream
I had a crazy dream last night that just makes me wonder what kind of drugs I'm on. I was in Brantford at my parents' house and I was coming up the driveway in Natalie's car with Heather and Ashley Christiansen in it. As I was coming up the drive, I noticed Leanne sitting next door on the step, because, in the dream, that's where she lives. I wanted to go over and talk to her, but we had to leave right away (even though we just showed up.. go figure). Heidi, who popped up out of nowhere, had to move her car first (somehow). So she did, and as she was going to get into our car, Natalie drove away (what a bitch, eh?). So I'm like "wait for Heidi," but she doesn't listen! I see Heidi in the rear-view mirror running after the car, so I'm like "Hey, what about Heidi?" and Heather just looks back at me from the passenger seat and glares at me. So I sit there for a minute being like what the hell.. and so then we arrive back at my parents' house after driving around (or something) and Heidi's there with some other people. Heather and I get into a big argument out on the lawn about how I'm rude and selfish and inconsiderate (I think she's missing some marbles, that crazy Heather), and I'm just saying "what are you talking about?" Then I woke up.

Red
I dyed my hair last night to this browny-red colour and it's not lookin' too shabby! It doesn't match my eyebrows, which I expected, but it really brings out my green eyes. I've never noticed how bright my eyes are, and now they look very intense. Yay!

Giant
Yesterday, there was this totally hot guy who walked by me in the hall. He was like 6'2 or so (hence he's a giant to me), caucasian, dark hair and eyes, with scruff (very perty). Anyways, I was trying not to look at him, cause I mean, I'm not gonna stare (damn I wish I could), and I practically ran into the wall lol I'm such an idiot.

I'm going to play badminton with Meaghan today, in about half an hour. Oop, that's my queue to go get ready! Ciao everybody!

A real Red Giant, for your enjoyment.

--Red Jam

Intensity

One of my new favourite artists, Tobias Gallo, uses streaks of colour to create wonderful works of art. I have two prints of his, Colorscape 3: Illusions and Colorscape 4: Sunset, both of which I adore (shown below). If you don't appreciate them, I don't want to hear about it. The colour and vibrancy of the images are enough to make me smile, and I would rather those who don't enjoy them to shush. ;)

There are six in the series thus far, and if you ever see No. 1, 2, 5, or 6, please purchase them and I will surely pay you back. The two below are the two I own. The computer images of them really doesn't do them justice. If you're ever in my room, be sure that I point them out. :)

--Artsy Jam


Above: Illusions
Below: Sunset

Unpredictabilation

Good evening, all you handsome devils,

(yes Heather, even you can be a handsome devil)

So it's 3:30am and I'm wide awake. After an odd dream I can hardly remember about the Amazing Race in Iraq (or something), I simply woke up. Very stupid, especially since I'm supposed to be getting myself on a normal sleep schedule. Oh well. After this, I'll pick up one of the billion books I need to read and will read for ten minutes and be asleep like a baby again.

In regards to the title of this post, it deals with a few different issues.

The first is my good ol' palerino Craig. If anyone knows about me, they probably know about my big adopted brother Craig, and his trip to Korea to teach english in a couple days. What you may not know is that the trip was cancelled, due to the fact that the company already had someone in the country, or something like that. So now he's kinda in limbo for a while, and not sure what to do.

I'm in shock at how unpredictable life can be, especially at this magnitude. I know that other opportunities will arrive for my British brother, but in the meantime I'm gonna try to be there for him as best I can. Dunno what I can do, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

Secondly, this damn insomnia. I think it's actually due to working hard, which is ridiculous. This whole working hard and doing all my work isn't causing me anything but grief. But alas, I should keep up with it and eventually my body will adjust to actually doing well. It damn well better! *shakes fist*

Lastly, the unpredictabilation of life can be referred to in my english class, where they insist on making up words. Incase you were wondering, unpredictabiliation is not a word, and if it is, it's been made up by the New Critics or the New Historicists, or something like that (if you don't know what I'm talking about, take ENGL 2P70).

Athena and I go to that class everyday to make sure we don't fall behind. It is so unnecessarily complicated that we are very confused 99% of the time. But when that 1% of the time comes around, damn that will be a sweet hour.

After class yesterday we proceeded to go to Sodexho in Academic South and have one of our good ol' relax and watch the hot men run by on the track above the gymnasium. Although it took about 20 minutes for a decent man to show up, it was well worth it. We determined that an appearance judging robot should sit at the entrance to the track and tell people they're either too ugly or too old or too much of a woman to enter. Then, all that would be left is hot men. It would even say "You-are-not-a-hot-man. Please-run-later." or "You-are-ugly. Please-go-away."

Now that would be unpredictabilation at its best.

--Jam

Cat-eat-Cat World

Ola, my loyal fanerinos,

So I'm still in Hamilton, and still up later than both Leanne and Lisa. I shall go to bed shortly, but before I do, I have to mention the person who dared stay up with me. (I feel a rant coming on)

My Romeo.

Caution! Upcoming rant on: Cats.

Romeo, a cat of about 10-12 pounds, is currently laying beside me and licking his crotch. Hopefully he stops that soon... okay good. He's laying next to me on the couch, kinda tired, but stares up at me with such loving eyes. He mews every now and then to make sure I still know he's there, and so that he gets a little scratch under his chin, or a pat on the head.

Cats are very Machiavellian. They do what they need to, to get what they want. This alone I believe makes them more intelligent than dogs, but that is debatable. Dogs are said to have a better memory than cats, as they can remember tricks and little commands. However, is it possible that cats understand the commands, but why would a cat want to follow a command? One of the most independent animals to roam the Earth, a cat would never negotiate their integrity by sitting, staying, or shaking paws. My Sheba, back in Brantford, I taught to come and to gimme five, even though she is deaf. Although this is an obvious show of intelligence, especially since she is handicapped, Sheba is a very special case. Her integrity, as I call it, is never compromised, because Sheba is, well, dumb. But even the most stupid cat is still independent, still Machiavellian, still remarkable.

Those who like dogs better than cats I don't believe really understand why cats are so amazing. The ancient Egyptians used to worship the feline, in temples and iconic figurines. A civilization far ahead of its time, the Egyptians recognized that the cat was a symbol of power, of intellect, of grace, and of dignity. If a dog had roamed into an Egyptian temple, it would have been taught to guard the temple, or attack intruders. They would have never worshipped something that was so dependent on humans. Who would worship something like that? Only those who consider dogs to be "man's best friend," or as I like to say "man's dumbest disciple."

There are many reasons cats have been welcomed with open arms into millions of homes worldwide. They clean up after themselves. They can go to the washroom, unsupervised. They are independent. They warm you up at night (because you are also giving them warmth). They are loyal (you give them food). They are adorable.

In a sense, cats possess many of the ideals that humans wish they could have. Total independence, agility, and a completely relaxed way of life. The truth is cats are there when you want them, and we're there when cats want us. A give and take relationship, and a necessary one.

The cat will always be my favourite animal, my love, my Romeo.

--Jam


Romeo

Of Being Single, Relaxed, Content, and Excited

Hey fan base,

So I'm at my second home in Hamilton at Leanne's place. We played N64 tonight for about 5 hours. I think my eyes are broken. I haven't played that much Nintendo since I was in highschool (Yes, I was a nerd. Get over it.).

Being Single.
So I know I've actually been single for months now, since the ill-fated relationship with Brian, but I'm starting to come to terms with it, and really enjoy it. I've been on the pursuit for so long I haven't really had a chance to enjoy some people that I otherwise would not, because I was simply thinking in terms of a relationship, rather than a friendship. Being single isn't really so bad anyways. I'm independent, so why was I in a hurry to get into something long-term so quickly? I know I haven't experienced something of that nature before, but for now I'm going to let it happen to me, rather than searching it out. Life needs to be more..

Relaxed.
I needed this weekend. I always get tons of relaxation time in when I come down to the H-dot. With all the work I've had to do lately, it's good to take some time to reflect, and to enjoy. I mean, I'm still doing work while I'm down here, but it's worth doing a little less for a couple days in order to recoup a little. I'm starting to feel..

Content.
Those curve balls I was talking about a while ago are no problem for my bat anymore. My hitting average has gone up, and I don't care that it's a lousy baseball analogy. Although there's lots of work, and a lot of things I need to work out, the work is becoming less and less like work, and more like life. I'm not saying my problems with my family or future are getting better/more clear, but I'm beginning to accept them, and deal with them. You could even say I'm going past being content to being..

Excited.
I'm excited to see if my hard work pays off. I'm excited to see what the summer brings. I'm excited to see what the future brings.

I'm also excited that my best bud Craig is going to Korea very soon! It should be such a wonderful experience and I'm with him 110%! I think it will do him so much good to dive into something which is very foreign and very worthwhile. And I'm excited for when I (and Heidi) will get the chance to do it, too! In a couple years her and I are going to try to do an english exchange to Japan as teachers.

I can hardly wait.

--Jam


Growth.

Counting Words

I'm officially the 1000th most used word in the English language! I'm more used that January! Boo yah!

Click here to find out what you are!

Here's one more for fun.. my baby Sheba:


--Jam 1000

Emotions Run Wild

Caution! Upcoming Rant on: Emoticons

We've all done it. Put a little :) after you say "Have a good night", just to make sure the person on the other end knows you have good intentions. :P makes you such a goof! People will love you! :D You're so happy! It must be because you use emoticons! MSN, and other messanger programs, have truly has affected our lives in the way we communicate through text. However, since the wave of the emoticons, there have been ads for new and more exciting emoticons for you to use! I mean, if :P makes you popular, an even bigger and flashier one will make you the life of the party!



You've seen the ads before. They're along the side of quizyourfriends.com, along with many other high volume websites. They flash, they move, they're almost lifelike! I mean, if real life has big yellow spheres rolling their eyes, throwing up, or crying puddles. The only 'real life' I can think of where that would be possible is in Wal-Mart commercial land, and no one wants to be there (that's a seperate rant altogether).



What I have to ask is do the ads really work? Somehow I would think against them, and would imagine they are a waste of money, as ad space isn't free. When I first saw the ads, I thought they were annoying, and over time I've grown to despise them. Nowhere in that process was I excited about new 3D emoticons. "Oh boy! I can express my emotions even flashier than before! Everyone will love me!"



Although I, too, use "smileys", I find them to be very transparent. Is it that hard to determine a mood or a tone online? And if so, what are we missing out by calling people and/or talking to people in person? I think this comes down to using language that people can understand and relate to. Those of us with bad grammar, vocubulary, or both are leading us down the path to only speaking in emoticon.

So call someone! Go visit someone! As a late New Years' resolution, I'm going to do just that. I'll make the world a little more emoticon-free.

Have a good night. ;)

--Jam

QUIZ TIME!

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

The Dream of a Past Life

Evenin',

Have you ever thought back to your childhood or your adolescence and wanted to be there? Wanted to play hide-and-seek, wanted to have lots of toys at Christmas, wanted to have grandma to give you an extra cookie, or wanted your kitty to run to the door (not to see you, but to try to get out, then realize that you're home)?

I'm in such an odd mood, but I'm confused. Is this what life has been leading up to? This moment in time? Is this what you imagined your life to be like at this age? I'm twenty years old and I will be stuck in this state of life for at least 2.5 more years. I feel empty and lost, and feel that I have nothing to strive for that is of any importance.

Isn't that funny? When I was younger, I felt that everything was important. Now, I feel that almost nothing is important. However, now is the time when everything should be important, as it is leading to my future.

I wish Kitty would run to greet me at the door, but she's not around anymore. Neither is Grandma to give me an extra cookie, or do any of the amazing little things she used to do for me. I miss hide-and-seek with Brian, James, and Shawn, or with Lindsay, Tara, and Ashley. Thankfully I still talk to 2/3 of those people. I wouldn't want to abandon the people that were once most important in my life. As for toys at Christmas, that deals with family, and in my childhood, I never could have imagined things with my family would end up like this. I feel like punching my dad across the face, or moving out all my belongings from my mom's house to my home here in St. Catharines.

I'm angry I don't get to have a normal life: a wife, children, a good job, and a loving family. I can accomplish some of these, but others are simply impossible to achieve, as existence has thrown me insane curve balls. Who decided that I get to deal with adversity while others glide through life blissfully?

I know I'm ranting and it'll all get better, but I thought I'd get my thoughts out there. Chances are if I'm feeling this way, others are too. If I'm the only one, then hey, I'm an individual like Natalie Portman. (if you don't get that reference, watch Garden State like I told you)

The pictures shown are by Lawren Harris of the Group of Seven. They were on the covers of two of my piano books, and always brought me comfort for one reason or another.

--Dreaming Jam

Fatiguing Dilemma

So, here's the scoop.

Last year I bombed school. Anyone who knows me knows that. Yeah whatever, I got over it. Last semester I did better due to better classes, but I still didn't do great. Got over that too.

This semester, I have been doing all my readings and studying my brains out. I've even started to feel guilty when I go out on weekends because I could be home doing readings for class that I need to do. Pathetic, yes.

All this work you would think would be paying off. However, even though I am on top of my course load (more or less), I am completely and utterly exhausted all of the time, and am sleeping through classes (two today, for example), due to too much work, plus a sleeping disorder. I don't understand how my professors expect me to do all of this reading. It is not from lack of interest by any means. I am taking courses which are all of great interest to me. However, I have three novels to read in two weeks, added onto the normal 100 pages a week I have to read from my texts.

I have to ask myself "am I actually learning?". It may seem like it now, because I'm putting forward so much energy, but in the long run, will I remember any of these inane readings that I am forced to do? Probably less than 10%.

So where is the happy medium? Where is the right amount of work to do without overexerting myself? What is the right amount to do to get the most out of my university experience? I can't keep working this hard, and then sleeping through lectures, as that is counter-productive.

Screw making pot legal. I like the idea of making speed legal better.

--Overworked Jam

Late Night Boogy Woogy, the sequel

So on January 12th, you came to my blog and took the trip to Kenya. It was so much fun that you wanted to go on another musical dancing trip, right?

Your prayers are answered. Have fun in Lapland.

Click here to go to Lapland

--Worldly Jam

Click here to go back to Kenya

Neverending Readings

Hi Space Cadets,

So the new, very productive me has been doing every one of his readings in the past couple weeks. I had no idea how many of them there were, and I'm so beat! I don't actually understand how your profs expect you to read so much every week. Do they think they are the only prof you have this semester, and you can focus solely on their class? I'm sorry, but I have five classes I have to look after, some have more, so ease up Doctor so-and-so and Doctor whats-his-name. Currently, I have to read the rest of the novel "Life of Pi" (300 pages), an english reading (20 pages), Plato's Phadreas (50 pages, approx), and a philosophy reading (20 pages), and shoot me (half a page).

Today I'm off to the school to run a bunch of errands, and then come back home and have a nap, followed by a trip to the mall, followed by hours and hours of readings.

...not looking like a very exciting day.

--Beat Jam (..as in "I'm beat". Please don't beat me.)

I'm a faux-millionaire!

So the BIGGEST NEWS of my ENTIRE LIFE (of trivia) is that I won the board game edition of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'! Can you believe it? Without help, besides my lifelines, I made it to the million and won!

I knew the answers!

Man oh man that felt good! Nat and Heidi wll vouch that I got SO excited and had a smile from ear to ear for hours! It just feels so good to do that well at something, especially something to do with trivia. General knowledge has been my "thing" for as long as I can remember, and I'm glad that I can still prove myself against competition. Hopefully I'll get on the real show someday and kick butt on there too!

So yay me!

--Millionaire Jam

Word-of-the-day: All-ya'll: Means the plural of "ya'll". Yeah I'm not sure why either. Ask an american.

A Visit From the Goof

Howd-elly Dood-elly!

So tomorrow, my weekend begins and one of my most favourite people, Rob, is coming to visit! I love it when we get together because he's one of the most genuine people I know, and his sense of humour, although it baffles me, is very funny (I think..). I'm sure my roomies'll love him like I do, and we'll have a gay ol' time (no pun intended)!


I'm Scrappy, just cause he's taller. Jerk.

--Weekend Jam

Nat and Jam on The Amazing Race

Hey all you non-adventurers! I have big fun news!

Natalie and I have decided to apply for The Amazing Race! The two of us (notice our gorgeous selves in the pic to the left of this blog) are going to apply as a friends/roommates team, and we're gonna kick some ASS!

I'm so crazy excited that I could BARF, but I won't, just because that would be icky to clean out of my keyboard! I'm going to start getting in shape and then even if I don't get on the show, I'll be in top physical condition!

I seriously think Nat and I would be so kickass on that show, and do really well, if not, win! We get along great, we're both high endurance people who can deal with many adversities that life would happen to throw our way. We're up for almost any challenge, and what one cannot do, the other compensates for (Nat can do swimming, I can eat ickies, for example).

I'll continue to post about this and update ya'll on how the application process is going! I'll even see if I can get our submission video turned into a flash document or something and put onto the site!

Cheer us on and cross as many fingers as possible!

--Racer Jam

The Curse of the Fishbowl

Bonjour, tout de la monde!

So here I sit, in the glass cage. I have an hour between classes and where else can I go but to become a guppy in the large computer commons known as The Fishbowl.

I'm incredibly bored and wish I was doing practically anything else, but alas, here I sit. I don't understand why they put a seminar for a class with an hour span until the lecture for said class. What do they expect us to do during that time? Oooh, I think I'll go for an hour run.. in January. No, wait, I think I'll read at school for an hour, which I could be doing the hour afterwards, in my comfy bed.

I'm also going to miss the first 20 minutes of Lost every week until the end of the semester. Can we say unfair? All together now! UN-FAIR! If they bumped up the lecture from 6-7, I could see my favourite show. But instead, I have to tape it and watch it when I get home. Bah.

My tummy is rumbling for some reason. Maybe I shouldn't have had a blueberry danish and a hot chocolate at the same time.

Well, off to doing more nothing.

--Jam

Late Night Boogy Woogy

Sometimes when I'm up late, I do work or I clean; ya know, productive things.

Other times, ya just can't help but go to Kenya.

Click here to go to Kenya

--African Jam

Cran-tastic!

Allo,

So I slept a night, and felt sick again this morning, and I feel dead-to-the-world this afternoon. I think my body is confused at the concept of "getting better", as by now I should be better, and should have been gradually getting that way for days.

I'm drinking some cranberry stuff that Athena let me have, and it's so strong that it makes my eyes water lol. I sure hope there's some sort of vitamins or something that I'm getting out of this cranberry hell.

So I'm gonna get some more work done today while stuck in bed, and go to the walk-in tomorrow morning. I'm gonna get better if it sickens me!

--Jam

Word-of-the-day: Tylenol: Sent from the heavens to make me a happy, healthy Jam.

Ready and Making the Change

Hiya everybody!

Well it's a day later and a whole bunch of better! I don't even need grammar anymore, because it so feel me good now! (hahaha that came out very wrong, but I don't even care!)

I'm in a very good mood today! I did an incredible amount of work, and am so proud of myself that I could vomit! Well, not literally, but I'm sure I could if I tried! I didn't call Paul today, because frankly, as I said, that would not have done anything for me, and I'm happy with the way things are going. So I don't have a father. That's not stopping me from leading a healthy wonderful life, and proving to him, and myself, that I can perservere. I'm going to ask that guy out this week if it kills me. I'm gonna, and I can hear you saying "yeah you've said that before." Well guess what! Bla! I'm gonna! So bla!

Yay everything!

--Jam

PS - My cheek still hurts. Do they do inner cheek surgery?

OW!

I bit my cheek.

--Jam

Disgruntled and Aching for Change

So hi.

It seems that my hangover transformed into the flu. I feel like I'm bruised from head to toe, including my mouth and places I need not mention. I probably got it last night in the midst of my good time.

But it seems more than my body aches. In the time I had to "relax" today, instead of clean or do actual work, I've just been thinking. Thinking about where I'm going, the people around me, the people in my life, my heart. And my heart aches for more; for resolve; for change.

I'm annoyed for many reasons. I find I'm going to fall into the same patterns as I always do with school. No work, lots of play, makes Jam a terrified little boy. I've been "chasing" the same boy for months, and he doesn't even know I'm interested. I now have a disowned family, and a messy room. I have a new pen pal from Seattle, and an old friend leaving for Korea (no pun intended on the word "old" C).

It's Paul's birthday tomorrow. He'll be 48. I refuse to call him, as I know he, or my step-mother will pick up, and neither are worth the breath or energy. Next year at this time, I'll have little or no ties to that man. The thought boggles me, makes me envious of others, makes me insulted, angry, confused, tormented, happy, relieved, and independent.

Even though there is so much going on, I need to get better soon, or the aches will turn into permanent scars, and I'll never be able to live again.

--Jam

Back to Blog

Hey you,

Don't think I don't see you reading my blog. I see you.

Haha! I'm so weird! Had an AMAZING night last night at Stella's with Heather, Nat, and Craig! It was so much crazy fun and I had way too much to drink. But all-in-all, I can't wait to go back and do it all over again, even though I'm very hungover at the moment.

Today is the day of hard work. I'm going to clean and organize my room, I'm going to read Gilgamesh for my Great Books class, and I'm going to watch Garden State with my roomies so they, too, know how great it is. I understand watching that movie is not work, but since Heather needs some explaining while watching movies, it may be more work than I planned (don't worry H, I still love you).

I found a song called "Seventeen Years" by an innovative group called Ratatat. I find I'm listening to so many different genres of music lately, and Ratatat, along with Bond, both don't have lyrics in a lot of their songs. I find it odd I can like music with no lyrical merit, but at the same time, DAMN it's good!

My room smells like a man... but not me. Is there a man hiding in my closet? *runs and opens the closet all dramatically-like* Oh, just shirts. Hmmm.

Well, I'm off to get to work, or pretend to do so.

Adios!

--Jam

NOTE: So I forgot a movie in my list, I'm such a dork. I inserted it as #3.5 on my Best Movies of 2004 List! Scroll down to see!

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: #1

The Worst Movie of 2004

Open Water



Synopsis
A couple go on vacation in the tropics and are left behind in the ocean after a scuba diving expedition.

Why I Chose It
Open Water was the worst movie I have ever seen. I thoroughly want to go through why this is.

To begin, the acting was terrible. I ever recall saying during the film that the actors seemed like they had been taken from a porn film and given a shot in real feature length films, as they could not give any emotion in their lines or facial expressions. The lack of interest you actually develop for their problems and character is unbelievable.

The camera used throughout the entire film was a small digital camera that you could buy at Radio Shack. I understand that was for "effect" (somehow) because it seems less like a movie and more like you're actually there. But when I look around, wherever I actually am, I don't see a fuzzy blur or static or anything out-of-focus. I see clearly, just like a film taken with a more expensive camera. Low budget cameras only work for Blair Witch, and I'm not going to go into how bad that was.

The only thing good about this film is that it's only 79 minutes long, although while watching this, I wished it was over after the first five minutes. Notice that at the top of the movie poster it says "Prepare to jump out of your skin!"? That's because you will do anything to get away from this movie.

When directors want to be original and different let's remember a small equation, shall we?

No plot + no acting abilities + a bad script + a cheap camera + bad camera angles does not = a movie that people will consider a classic. Like Blair Witch, it was an easy buck. Congrats for making one more film that was a disgrace to the entire industry.


The Best Movie of 2004

Garden State



Synopsis
A man in his 20's returns to his hometown for the death of his mother and realizes while there that the things holding him back may be the same things that he needs for self-discovery.

Why I Chose It
Behind Memento (2001), Garden State is the second best movie I have ever seen, and, like Open Water, I would like to explain the reasoning.

First of all, the storyline is fascinating. The self-discovery of Andrew Largeman, played by more-or-less newcomer Zach Braff, is imaginative, humourous, and provacative at the same time.

The acting was remarkable, utilizing small-town mentality at every turn, and making it seem like you too are visiting a lower-middle class town (and we don't need fuzzy cameras to do so). Natalie Portman delivers a unique and very real performance of a girl who is not perfect, but is still the main love interest. The simple fact that these characters are very human in itself puts this film on the top five.

The camera shots are what puts Garden State as one of the best films of all time. During most of the film, it is so visually appealing that you could turn off the sound and simply watch the imagery and still enjoy it.

This was Zach Braff's first time acting in the main role of a major motion picture and his first time directing a film. It is easy to say that he has a lot to live up to for his second movie, as this one was fantastic. Garden State is a creative masterpiece and if you have not seen this film, you're missing out on a great piece of art.

Possible Oscar Nods
Natalie Portman, Best Actress: Sam
Jean Smart, Best Supporting Actress: Carol
Frou Frou, Best Original Song: Let Go
Best Original Score
Best Cinematography
Best Original Screenplay
Best Picture

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: #2

The Worst Movies of 2004: #2

The Chronicles of Riddick



Synopsis
A man (Vin Diesel) helps things and fights and army and gets put in prison or something.

Why I Chose It
Besides the fact that it was the most simple script I had ever heard in my life, I saw this movie and had no idea what his character was doing or for what reasons. The plot was dreadful, the storyline was hard to follow, and it was so dragged out that I wanted to leave by the end of the opening credits.

Possible Oscar Nods
Good god, no.


The Best Movies of 2004: #2

Troy



Synopsis
The Greek army sets its sights on the great walled city of Troy after the Greek beauty Helen falls in love with a Trojan prince. The story follows many different characters, including Greek warrior Achilles (Brad Pitt), Trojan prince Hector (Eric Bana), and Greek leader Agamemnon.

Why I Chose It
Although I am not a fan of the great historical epic (didn't like Braveheart, Gladiator, King Arthur), Troy was an amazing movie on more levels than most movies based on war. The acting was amazing, the best I've seen in a movie such as this, and the script and story were fascinating. Not a true replica of the real events, Troy still delivers a wonderful interpretation which embraces many different emotions throughout the film.

Possible Oscar Nods
Peter O'Toole, Best Supporting Actor: King Priam
Rose Byrne, Best Supporting Actress: Briseis
Brad Pitt, Best Actor: Achilles
Best Cinematography
Best Adapted Screenplay
Best Graphics
Best Picture

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: #3

The top three and bottom three movies are very divided from all the other films produced this past year. The bottom three are of very little calibur compared to #4 and #5, and the top three are far above the rest in many ways. The top three were especially difficult to choose between, and are almost a tie.

The Worst Movies of 2004: #3

Van Helsing



Synopsis
An acclaimed monster killer aims his sights on Dracula. He runs into a chesty woman, who is there for her boobs.

Why I Chose It
Because it's about an acclaimed monster killer who aims his sights on Dracula, and the chesty woman who is there for her boobs. This movie lacked plot, imagination, and a storyline that wasn't basic and boring. The acting was awful, the special effects were pre-1990, and I wasted over ten bucks to see it. Although it may have been set-up as a movie that was supposed to be cheesy for effect, the amount of cheese surpassed any cheese factory or mouse storage, and it is off the charts in the wrong direction.

Possible Oscar Nods
That's even funnier than Spidey 2.


Best Movies of 2004: #3

The Village



Synopsis
Set more than 100 years ago, a small communinty is tormented by the creatures from the forest that in the past have not harmed or bothered them. In the process of warding off the monsters, it is discovered that there are secrets everywhere within the village.

Why I Chose It
The Village was a remarkable film that cannot be matched in this genre. Although it is frightening, it goes to a deeper level and challenges many different issues, including gender roles, blindness, strength of an individual, among many others. The script is one of the best in years, and the acting is incredible, specifically Bryce Dallas Howard, the daughter of Ron Howard; this is her first feature length film in a leading role and she delivers the performance of a lifetime.

Possible Oscar Nods
Bryce Dallas Howard, Best Actress: Ivy Walker
Joaquin Phoenix, Best Actor: Lucius Hunt
Adrien Brody, Best Supporting Actor: Noah Percy
M. Night Shyamalan, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay
Best Picture

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: #3.5

**So unfortunately I forgot a movie that really deserves recognition. Still not as good as my top three, it is thoroughly an experience to remember, and takes the 3.5 position.

The Best Movies of 2004: #3.5

Saved!



Synopsis
The life of a group of students who go to a fanatical Christian highschool. Focuses on typical teen issues, but in a very different setting, and being dealt with in a very different way than at a public highschool.

Why I Chose It
Saved! is one of the funniest films I have seen in a long time. Not just because it makes fun of overactive Christians, but because it plays on overzealous students, and sheds a different light on teen pregnancy and homosexuality, among other issues. Mandy Moore delivers her best performance to date, and proves that she can take on different roles than those she had been pegged for.

Possible Oscar Nods
Unfortunately, I don't see any nominations from the Academy for this flick, but it's great nonetheless.

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: #4

Worst Movies of 2004: #4

Spiderman 2



Synopsis
Spiderman deals with image issues and fights a guy with huge metallic tentacles. Not much else to it.

Why I Chose It
It would be ridiculous not to. This movie was one of the worst large budget films I have ever seen, and I am shocked that people enjoyed it. There are scenes that don't make sense according to the character of Spiderman, as well as are incredibly BORING.

Possible Oscar Nods:
Yeah. Right.


Best Movies of 2004: #4

Supersize Me



Synopsis
A film about the effects of fast food on one's health, a single man eats nothing but McDonald's for an entire month and shows the repercussions on camera. A wonderful documentary aiding the comeback of the informative feature length film.

Why I Chose It
With the rise in success of the fast food industry, as well as the gain in the average weight of an American citizen, something had to be done in order to assure that we don't explode into big rolly balls of fat. The main character is captivating and humourous, and his girlfriend, along with the people he interviews, add to the humour and wonderment of this documentary. The best documentary I have ever seen.

Possible Oscar Nods
Best Picture (although I do doubt that the Academy will give it a statuette, it does deserve at least a nomination)

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: #5

Worst Movies of 2004: #5

The Stepford Wives



Synopsis
A family of four move to a new community, Stepford, only to find that the women act very strangely. When Joanna (Nicole Kidman) decides to do some sleuthing to find out what exactly is going on, she discovers that she may be in danger.

Why I Chose It
Although the acting was amazing in this film, there was a huge major flaw. The ending was changed, and it's very obvious that it had been. The film had so much promise, and could have been made into a real classic, but instead it was silly and all-in-all, made no sense. I actually put this film here more out of anger that they butchered it than how bad it was, even though it was awfully smelly.

Possible Oscar Nods
Bette Midler, Best Supporting Actress: Bobbi Markowitz
Glenn Close, Best Supporting Actress: Claire Wellington


Best Movies of 2004: #5

The Terminal



Synopsis
Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks), a foreigner from a scandinavian nation travelling into the U.S.A., becomes stranded in the airport because his country's government has collapsed. Therefore, he cannot enter America, and cannot return home.

Why I Chose It
Although the premise of this film seems bizarre, it proves to be fascinating. Viktor finds many new friends and different jobs to help pass the time until he can enter America. The movie shows many different ideals, including language barriers, comedy, drama, war, including many others.

Possible Oscar Nods
Tom Hanks, Best Actor: Victor Navorski

The Best and Worst Movies of 2004: Great, But Not That Great

With the Oscars just around the corner, and 2005 coming at us full force, I think I should rate the best and worst movies of 2004. I'm going to do a Top 5 and a Bottom 5, doing one (or so) each day. I'll be critiquing films that I saw, so if one doesn't make the cut, don't send me hate mail. I throw that out, and you'd just be wasting paper.

Here are some films that were good, but didn't make the cut for the top 5:

#6 The Forgotten
This conspiracy-style movie was very intriguing. Everything about this film delivers, and you begin to wonder what is in the clouds. This film easily takes my #6 spot.

#7 The Notebook:
A remarkable love story with terrific acting. The plot was very thin, however, and quite predictable.

#8 Fahrenheit 9/11:
The movie that brought back the documentary, this film was received very well. However, Michael Moore just doesn't do it for me.

#9 I Heart Huckabees:
A strange, but compelling film about preconceived notions. Acting was great, but the story was just too strange for the top five.

#10 13 Going on 30:
A simple film that can make anyone laugh. Jennifer Garner is hilarious, but the film can be described in less than ten words. That's a bad thing.

Honourable Mention Shrek 2:
Although this film seemed great to me when I first saw it, I now have no motivation to watch it now. A good film the first time; very hilarious.

Honourable Mention I, Robot:
A unique picture about robots. The graphics were amazing, and the script was very well thought out.

Honourable Mention Meet the Fockers
One of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Although not exactly Oscar material, a thoroughly entertaining experience nonetheless.



All of these films were very good and you should go and watch them if you get the chance. What movies will make the top five? What films stunk so bad they will be shown on the bottom five? Stay tuned to the same bat channel, but different bat time (maybe tomorrow) for #5!

--Critic Jam

EDIT: Links to the Top and Bottom Five Films of 2004:

Number Five
Number Four
Number Three and a Half
Number Three
Number Two
Number One

The Calm After the Holiday Storm

Hey everyone!

It feels so good to be back! I've been back all of four hours and I already feel more comfortable and relaxed than at any point in time that I was on "vacation".

As many of you know, I do not look forward to family oriented holidays, like Christmas. I don't get along with my family, and find it silly to have to spend time with people that I really cannot stand, and who, in turn, can't stand me. My mom and I are on worse terms than ever, and she wants me to get a job in St. Catharines over the summer. Although, if she had been listening to me over the past two months, that's been my plan all along. The more time I can spend away from "home", the better. At least my friends saw her blow up at me over a removed lamp shade, and know that she is the crazy one, not me. My dad and I didn't talk to each other, as usual. The step-parents did the usual guilt-trip or reclusive behaviour respectively, which suits me fine.

On top of family fun, I got my wisdom teeth removed on the 29th. If anyone is actually worried about this procedure, simply let your teeth hurt for a couple months beforehand and you will realize that the aftermath does not even compare. The surgery was simple, and it's less than a week later and I am doing great. Although it still slightly hurts, I can talk fine, and should be at 100% within the week.

All-in-all, it was a horrible holiday. It really makes me realize how my life differs from that of my friends, and how much I do not take for granted. I'm self-reliant because I have to be, and I think I am turning out to be a very decent human being. When I win a Pulitzer or whatever I may win, I won't have my family to thank. Rather, I'll have myself to thank, along with my terrific friends. If it hadn't been for Mike, Loretta, Lindsay, Brian, Ashley, Mike, and all the others that I saw over the break, I seriously could not have made it. I would also like to thank Sheba, the best cat ever, for spending a comfy New Years with me. Ya can't complain about a date who can't talk back and loves to cuddle. You rock, Sheba.

Well, it's time to get started on this semester, which will prove to be very interesting. I don't plan to go to my parents' homes at all, so if I need to go to Brantford, I am staying elsewhere. I love it here in St. Catharines, and my family here is much more supportive, intelligent, and fun than my "real" family back "home".

Hope everyone had a terrific holiday, and hope to hear from you all soon!

--Jam